How A Coffee Table Changed My Life

After spending 3 years in college and changing my major more times than I care to admit, I still had no idea the direction in which I wanted to take my career. I was sitting in the living room of my apartment with my roommates late one night and as I uncrossed my legs to stand up, I hit my foot on the coffee table, shattering the bones. An injury that eventually left me bedridden with a metal pin sticking out of the top of my foot for three months, and forced me to drop out of college. I didn't realize it then, but the circumstance I thought would be detrimental to my future actually ended up being the beginning of it.I had always been discouraged from majoring in the things I enjoyed because they “didn't make enough money” and the things that did make “enough money” bored me to the point of tears. So for 3 years, I wandered the campus feeling lost, just trying to make it past the next exam with no real sense of security concerning what my future might hold. The truth was, I didn't want to be in college. I didn't feel like it was for me, but my high school guidance counselors seemed to have conspired with my mother to convince me that it was the only option after high school.

After coming out of my post surgery haze, I realized I was faced with a very difficult decision. I could either return to college to please my mother or I could take the time to figure out what it is that I wanted to do and if i wanted to go back at all. Eventually I caved in to the pressure and began preparing to return to school. I applied for a job close to a campus at a local university where I planned to enroll and planned to work there while I went back to school. It was a live on position at an extended stay hotel. I got the job, and it took me two weeks to realize that this was exactly what I was meant to do. I enjoyed every aspect of the job and found myself missing work when I wasn’t working as opposed to watching the clock waiting to get off. This unexpected discovery invigorated me with a new sense of motivation and compelled me to take control of my own life. So for the first time in my life, I told my mother “no.” I was not going to go back to college. (At least for the time being.) I was not going to be a lawyer. I was not going to be a doctor. I was not going to resign my happiness for a dollar amount or a corner office. I was going to do what made me happy. June 1st will make two years since i’ve been with the company. I’ve worked very hard and been met with the same dedication from the company in return. Within my time here i've gotten promoted and been rewarded with some amazing opportunities. I've never, even for a second, regretted my decision and I couldn’t be more pleased with the career path that i've chosen. Now to be clear, I definitely do not recommend injuring yourself or dropping out of college on a quest to accidentally find a career. My story is odd to say the least, but there are some key elements that can be taken away and applied towards finding (or figuring out) your niche.

Make the best of the worst. Don't let a temporary set back permanently keep you from getting ahead. Many times it’s hard to see how you will make it through tough times, but as cliche as it sounds there is very often a silver lining. If there isn't a silver lining, create one. I don't know that I believe there’s a reason for everything, but I do believe you can achieve a positive outcome from anything. It’s all about your perspective and how you choose to react to whatever is thrown your way.

Disregard the traditions. For me, college just was not a good fit. I still wholeheartedly believe in education, I just choose to educate myself in other ways. I only stayed as long as I did because it was “what I was supposed to do.” There is no right way to do life. You have to figure out what’s right for you. Find whatever path to success is the one that you enjoy and stick with it.

Know when to say “no.” There’s nothing wrong with saying no when you mean it. Follow your intuition and stick your guns. Figure out what your priorities are and use those to guide our decisions. If you are being pushed towards something you do not want, be it by a family member or guidance counselor, push back. Be confident about what it is you want and work hard towards it.

Keep an open mind. You may not know what makes you happy until you try it. When opportunities arise, take advantage of them. Try new things and you just may be surprised what fits you. The future may not look the way you imagined, but it may pleasantly surprise you if you give it the chance.

Sometimes it's easy to forget how big the world is and once we forget that we tend to view our options as limited. If you keep in mind how big the world around you actually is, it makes sense that there are so many other ways to be successful and find your niche than the ones you have been taught. So stop whatever it is you are doing that is not serving your happiness or pushing you towards your goals. It may seem scary at first, but that one thing you try when everyone is telling you not to, just may be your niche.

Skip the 4.0

It is a hectic, stressful, hair-graying, frustrating, schedule-juggling, if-she-emails-me-one-more-time beautiful and life-changing experience. It is college and it is freakin’ awesome. They say that students nowadays are willing to pay ridiculous amounts of money to obtain a higher education that offers the “full college experience.” Let’s get one thing straight: I can tell you right now they don’t mean classes. Universities across the nation are raising tuition costs left and right because, among other expenses, they are competing with one another to offer all the different programs, services and opportunities young America is so desperately looking for.

Why, then, is so much emphasis put on academics? Although academic success is necessary, I mean, you are paying for it after all, the most important aspect of college is not killing yourself to get the best grade possible. It’s not pulling unhealthy all-nighters or being the first person to raise your hand after the professor’s every question. College life is about succeeding in the classroom while also participating in extracurricular activities that help to develop you as a student and as a potential employee. What matters is your ability to maintain that strong grade point average while also keeping up some sort of interactive, non-academic life. The ability to juggle your overall student experience - classes, work, clubs, fun - is what employers want to see because once college is over, you’ll need to juggle a whole lot more - work, bills, commute, life. And this is what you’re paying for.

 As a Rutgers student I was involved with the Student Life department since my college career began. I served on a few different student organizations and volunteer groups, both run by the Student Life department. Through my involvement with the department, I became an official member of the Student Life family, which at RU is a very highly recognized and respected group of talented, enthusiastic and innovative students. Along with Student Life, I was involved with Dining Services, Career Services and Athletics. Unfortunately, I had to graduate but – here’s the good news – unlike many post-grads, I graduated with a job offer.

My full-time job, however, was not earned from my degree or my course studies or my grades. I got this job because I had experience in programming, event-planning and leadership. Being involved in college can help you to learn many desired work-related skills such as time management, problem solving, and responsibility. But it can also do so much more, trust me. Becoming involved in organizations and clubs while in school can help you to build lifelong friendships, develop your leadership skills and most importantly build a strong, close-knit network of professionals for your job search. Isn’t that what it’s all about?

The first and easiest part about getting involved at school is that you get to make friends! It is highly likely that the groups you join will comprise students with similar interests, otherwise, why join the group? These settings are a great place to blow off some steam about school and have some fun while doing it. Not to mention, there is almost always free food at student events so you’ll even get a free meal every once in a while. Score! You can try new things like different cultural foods, recreational activities and explore new locations on campus. Although many organizations have obligations to meet and goals to accomplish, somehow it doesn’t seem so bad getting things done with friends.

Secondly, organizing different programs, meetings, and conferences can be very difficult even for professionals. Getting involved on campus will deliver you the necessary knowledge, skills, and abilities required in the professional world. Even as an underclassman, you can find a plethora of leadership opportunities on campus from becoming a general member of an organization to starting your own club. These kinds of activities are huge resume boosters as they prove to potential employers that you are able to lead a group of students and act in a professional manner to complete a goal. As a student leader, other students will come to you for advice, suggestions and mentoring. Over the course of your years in school, you can move up the ladder and take on leadership responsibilities as you become more skilled. The progression in leadership will show employers that you are capable, reliable and dedicated.

Not only will you make friends and become a leader, you’ll have unlimited opportunities to network with the extremely talented professional staff at your school. As a student leader you can meet professionals from many offices including career services, academic advising, dining services and many, many more. The professional staff are excellent references and resources to have in your future as they will be the people you work very closely with to progress your student’s organization. These people will be able to vouch for your success as an involved student and employers will trust their expertise more so than, say, a professor who barely knows your name. Your place as an involved student will also get you to experience diversity, first hand. Interaction with other students, faculty, and staff, creates an opportunity to learn something about yourself, others and the world around you.

You may be thinking, “Why would I want to take on more work?” or “I don’t have time for anything else.” My argument is that when you’re doing something you love, work is not a job. Being involved at school shouldn’t be perceived as a chore. It is an amazing, life-changing opportunity to meet people who are both similar to and different than you. Your training and experiences will give you specific skills and abilities that employers are looking for. And you’ll significantly expand your network of references by interacting with professional staff members who care about you and your future. So I ask you today...please don’t be a 4.0 try-hard. Don’t be that kid. Be the kid who couldn’t ask for a better college experience.

See What Sticks: Getting Naked With Your Job Search

Hi everyone, Amma Marfo here. Two quick things about me that you'll need to know before we begin:

(1) I am a reader. I am a library-loving, constant tome-carrying, unapologetic bibliophile. (2) If there's anyone you will meet who can connect what she's reading to the world around her, it's me.

As such, I want to dedicate my time in this space to sharing with you what I'm reading, and how it could inform a budding professional's daily life. 

I can't tell you how many times I've been told that the job search and quest for a work environment that "fits" is like dating. The first dates that feel like interviews, the seemingly interminable waiting by the phone, the dress code that seems to go with the "courting" process...the similarities go on and on. And as I read Harlan Cohen's latest offering Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed & Totally Sober), I couldn't help but draw connections to my professional life. And not just because the pursuit of a job should always be done fully clothed and totally sober, though I do highly recommend that. Consider the steps that Harlan recommends for finding love, and think about how they could look like the same ones we use to find jobs that will make us happy.

Step One: Embrace the Secret Truth

In Harlan's estimation, the secret truth is that there are thousands of people in the world that could love you, but millions will not. The secret to navigating that sometimes gratifying, sometimes terrifying notion? Being accepting of the "millions" part.

So many of us have trouble with job searches because we find one job posting, "fall in love with it," and let our confidence and momentum shatter if we don't get offered the job. But Harlan's notion of being accepting of the millions means that we don't let what we don't get bring us down. There are many jobs in this world that we might not want, and we're perfectly okay letting those go by as we pursue the right opportunities. But if you can get equally comfortable with the idea that some jobs you're interested in will pass you by, and that's okay, you'll have a far easier time focusing on finding the position that is right for you.

Part of Harlan's Step One discusses "putting yourself in rooms." You're never going to meet people if you don't start putting yourself in rooms- dating events, online chat rooms or dating sites, group activities and networking socials, etc. Similarly, job opportunities don't (generally) show up on your doorstep in the pouring rain, proclaiming that they just have to have you. To embrace the secret truth, you have to fight the urge to wait for the right opportunity to "show up," and go out looking for it.

Step Two: Train In Your Thong

Harlan's book refers to three "thongs": physical thongs, emotional thongs, and spiritual thongs. He provides guidance to put on each one, stand in a mirror, and speak honestly to yourself about what you see. Why a thong? It's easy to be self-conscious in a thong, and very very difficult to hide in one. You can see everything, and it therefore is the best attire for pointing out vulnerabilities.

Not enough people talk about the vulnerability associated with the job search. But incorporating "thong time" into your search and periodic evaluation of yourself forces you to address it. What do you see, when standing in front of a mirror in your thong, that you like, that you're proud of? Conversely, what do you see that you don't like, that bothers you? Emotional and spiritual thongs are likely more relevant in this discussion, although jobs with physical components such as lifting, standing, or other manually laborious elements may require a try-on of the physical thong too.

Harlan says: "accept what you can't change, and change what you can't accept." The thong exercise is all about identifying priorities. Do you need to stay in a certain geographical area? That's part of what you accept. Not pleased in the field you're in and want to switch to do something new? That's a part of what you change. Take this time in front of the mirror, letting it all hang out, to decide what you need, what's important to you, and what steps it might take to get there.

Step Three: Stop Making Excuses

We all do it. We look at a posting for a job, feel that moment of elation and excitement, and then allow ourselves to be brought back down to earth by any number of things: "I'm not qualified." "I'm too qualified!" "I'm too young/too old." "I don't want to live there."

Harlan's advice? Stop. Just stop. Humans have a tremendous ability to talk themselves out of things they're not sure they can't do, but an equally tremendous ability to talk themselves into things they do want to do. Steps two and three are intimately connected: if a specific excuse comes up more often than others, it may be a vulnerability you need to return to the mirror to look at more closely. The trick here is to turn that doubt around. Find the pieces of that description you're sure you could do better than anyone else in the environment required, and focus on that.

A great tip for this? Use storytelling. Think of a time when you've completed a task or held a role similar to what this job is asking you to do, and spend some time thinking about how those lessons could apply to the task at hand. And if you've never done something they're asking you to? Tell a story of going into a situation with little knowledge or experience, and talk about what strategies you employed to be successful in that role.

When you decide to stop making excuses, a funny thing happens. Opportunities that might not have seemed surmountable, suddenly seem possible. Similarly, if something is truly out of your reach, you are more likely to recognize that fact.

Step Four: Take the Risk

Write the cover letter, then ask a friend or a career counselor to look over it for you. Get dressed up and head to a networking event. Look at a job board you might have never seen before. Apply to a job that you're mostly qualified for. Simply put, step into those "rooms" that Harlan spoke about in step one. All this self-work on preparing to take risks, and learning how to navigate them, is useless if you don't eventually do something with that knowledge.

It should be noted that much of this advice will hold as you ascend the ranks of your career. If you find yourself yearning to ask for a promotion, these same steps can be taken. Accept the possibility that it may not happen, truthfully assess your needs and vulnerabilities, explore the excuses you might make in your head, and then go for it. This advice even holds if you're looking to find a new career. Accept that it could be difficult, truthfully assess what you'll need in front of a mirror, examine the root of any excuses you might make to talk yourself out of it, and then do what needs to be done to make that dream a reality.

Step Five: Celebrate, Reflect, and Repeat

Congratulations! You put yourself out there! Regardless of outcome, I'm of the belief that such a step deserves celebration, and so is Harlan.

Now, let's address the outcome.

If your risk didn't pay off, it's okay to take time to mourn the loss of an opportunity gone by. You did invest time, energy, and some of your spirit, and you are well within your rights to feel badly about it...for a time. However, you then must return to the lesson of step one- remember that there are thousands of opportunities that will be a fit for you and your talents; there will also, statistically, be millions that will not. It might seem cold to dismiss failures as a numbers game, but if you truly went forward with your best effort it may have not been a fit for you. But let me be clear, you should always seek feedback with goals of improvement. Request feedback from the employer, share materials with friends, colleagues, and mentors, and seek professional guidance if needed. And most importantly, you'll need to start back at one and continue getting naked to pursue your goals. Eventually, the process will pay off when the right opportunity comes along.

And if you were lucky enough- nay, prepared enough- for your risk to pay off, congratulations! Your calculated and methodical efforts have paid off. Enjoy the success that you've found, but be prepared to return to the "getting naked" process to continue your upward trajectory. Continued career prosperity isn't the product of luck, any more than getting your foot in the door is. Success at any stage of your working life takes work- don't ever forget that!

If you're nervous about your job search, and in need of a new way to approach it, Harlan Cohen's Getting Naked is a surprising, but ultimately effective, way to consider your process. If you're willing to embrace the harsh but very real truth, incorporate and accept your needs and vulnerabilities, throw away your excuses, and act on your desires, you could very well find a job you truly love- all while fully clothed and completely sober.