Day 13 - Taking Advantage of an Opportunity

I started at Rutgers in August 2008 and I thought I would be a small fish in a big pond. However, like I mentioned in my post yesterday, my boss Paul Fischbach did a great job of helping me network and meet co-workers outside of our department. Coincidentally, it also helped that Courtney started working in Student Life a month prior. I took every opportunity to grow my network and enhance my professional development by attending workshops and events to meet other student affairs colleagues.

A few months into my new job, I met Avani Rana who was in charge of the student leadership for Student Life. I had shared my leadership background and the initiatives I helped create at Centenary College and we quickly connected to see how I could help her out and represent our department. That spring semester Avani invited me to sit on the Rising Leaders committee and I was able to offer a module on communication during the 13-week program for first year students.

This was not only a great avenue to meet new students and represent the Recreation department, but this also fulfilled my desire to present and engage students in leadership. A year later, I remained on the Rising Leaders committee with other deans and student affairs colleagues and Avani recruited me to help out with their weekend retreat in January. Over the next few semesters I was given the opportunity to help with retreats, present workshops on group dynamics, communication, and public speaking.

Avani also planned a leadership conference every March and recruited me to present in 2009 and 2010. However, in 2010 I decided to invite one of our student leaders, Dana Wise, to co-present with me to give her practice speaking in front of her peers. We ran a workshop for other students leaders on group dynamics and being a leader even if you’re not in a leadership position.

Remember that post I wrote about attending my first NIRSA conference? Well, I stayed involved with NIRSA and became the State Director in 2011. As the representative for NIRSA I sat on various committees and helped plan the student lead-on for Region 1 at Syracuse University. Not only was this a “pay-it-forward” type of act, but I truly wanted to help students and connect them with the right professionals just like Jess Ward did for me. That’s how professional development works, you get involved as a new professional, start to carve out your niche, and then you help others find their niche.

Every year since I started at Rutgers, I had the pleasure of working with great students that were thriving in their roles with recreation, in student leadership, and NIRSA. There was something I started to observe. I started to notice that these great students were thriving in college and then after graduation, many of them struggled with being fulfilled and happy in their new post-graduation lives.

The conversations of “I think I chose the wrong major” and “I shouldn’t have decided to enroll in this masters program” or “I am bored with my job” was far too common. I would put the counselor/therapy hat back on and point them in the right direction.

Ultimately, it was these 3-4 years, that my calling to help students stand-out and give them “real-world” skills to succeed after graduation, started to become more and more important to my ‘why’ (why meaning, why I got up every morning). This was especially true when it came to pointing them in the direction to a more fulfilled life.

My initial conversations with Avani and ultimately that connection led to a realization that I could engage an audience of 50-100+ students. I was inching closer and closer to finding my niche.

What they taught me:

At the time I started at Rutgers, I was a bit nervous to be working at such a large institution. However, I learned how important outreach and exposure can be. Between the help of networking from my boss, Paul, and Avani continually inviting me to help out, I quickly established a name for myself based on my talents and skills.

How they inspire me:

The moments I have been able to run workshops, facilitate team buildings at retreats, and present to large groups has been invaluable to my work with the Niche Movement. Avani is one of many colleagues that valued the opportunity to give more people the chance to present and interact with other colleagues. This inspires me to ensure that I pay it forward and provide opportunities for young professionals to present to my students.

#Nichetip:

Early on in your career, take advantage of the committees or workgroups available for you to participate in, especially if you are passionate about it. At times it may feel like extra work, but in the long run it just may bring you closer to finding your niche.

Day 12 - Build Your Network Before You Need It

While working at Centenary College from 2006-2008 I worked hard to build a foundation to build a Recreation department rather than just the intramurals programming I was hired for. When I started, the college had a new gymnasium and recreation center under construction but vision was to offer open recreation, intramural programming, trips and special events. Outside of my colleagues, I needed some help.

After doing some research, I came across NIRSA (National Intramural Recreation Sports Association), the professional development and governing body of collegiate Recreation professionals. Luckily, in February of 2007, I discovered Rutgers University was hosting a NJ NIRSA State Workshop. I registered myself and five of our student employees and this was the start of my professional involvement in NIRSA. I met several colleagues like Diana Clauss from Rider, Jess Ward from Rutgers, and John Mazurri from Stevens Tech.

Less than a year later I attended the Region 1 conference in Ithaca, NY where I brought four of our student leaders who were really interested in going into campus recreation. We got up there early to attend the pre-conference Student Lead-On portion, and I had registered all of us for the mentor-mentee program. Even though I was a professional staff, I wanted a chance to meet some other colleagues so I was excited to participate as well. That afternoon I found out I was paired with Jess Ward, the Intramural Coordinator at Rutgers.

Jess’ welcoming personality and genuine effort to introduce me to other RU alumni that were now in the field and other intramural professionals up and down the east coast has been invaluable to my career. I decided at that conference to volunteer and join a committee to help carry out the 2008 state workshop at Rider University. I had a chance to work with Jess and some other great colleagues while presenting my first workshop. At this point, I was continuing to grow our programming at Centenary while growing my network.

A short time later, I reached out to Jess about an open position within Rutgers Recreation. I applied to the job in December of 2007 but didn’t hear anything until May 2008 when I was invited for an interview for the Special Events position. It turns out, after talking with Jess, she kept me in mind and helped get my resume to the top. Long story short, I interviewed and didn’t get the position. It was ok - I got some experience and got my foot in the door meeting more professionals.

I was sure to send thank you notes to everyone I met and a few months later, I was told there was an opening for Intramural Coordinator. It turns out this was Jess’s position as she was leaving to work at Princeton University. When she was leaving, she was asked if she knew of any candidates she would recommend and she brought my name up again to her boss Paul Fischbach.

That saying, “everything happens for a reason” may be a cliche, but I went on two interviews and landed a job in August 2008 at Rutgers Recreation as their Intramural Coordinator. I owe a sincere thanks to Jess Ward for always helping me out. I remember the day I accepted, my new boss Paul called me that Friday evening to welcome me aboard - a nice gesture I still think about today.

Paul has had an influential role in helping me find my niche as he shares the same values in student development. He always looked out for me and to this day he still introduces me to anyone he knows at Rutgers. Even though I was working as the Intramural Coordinator it was an avenue to facilitate student leadership, development and offer innovative programming to the university population. Paul gave me the opportunity to be hands-on and foster a community on the Livingston campus.

Taking this job and leap into a large public university and department has been one of the best transitions that set up the next few posts in my series.

How They Inspired Me:

In this new role at Rutgers, I was able to combine my passions of programming and development with my knowledge of leadership to facilitate a community where college students could learn real-world skills. Paul always said that we helped develop and bring students together and that recreation just got in the way.

What They Taught Me:

The one thing I learned from both Paul and Jess is to always have a caring and genuine personality and help be a connector.

#NicheTip:

Take advantage of mentor-mentee programs, and professional development opportunities. Rutgers University gets about 200-250 applicants per job opening in the student affairs division. If you don’t know someone it can be very difficult to get your foot in the door. That being said, don’t just network to network. My relationship with Jess wasn’t around getting some job, it was about learning how to build my program at Centenary bigger and better. Authenticity and integrity when connecting with others is critical.

Day 11 - Make Time for the Most Important People Around You

My grandparents, Joan and Ernie DeGraw (married on March 4th, 1956), have been the two most inspirational people in my life next to my mom and dad.  From the minute I was born, I had their full attention, love, and support. For me, being an only child certainly had its perks when I was around Gram and Pa. I can recall my fondest memories started with every Wednesday and Saturday I spent with them growing up.

Wednesdays were days I spent with my Gram. She would pick me up from school, we would head to Mcdonalds, and then if it was nice out, we would head to the park spending countless hours playing on the playground or riding my bike. There was never a time my gram got sick of pushing me on the swing, following me around on my bike or hurrying me up to go home. She wouldn’t call it quits until I was ready to call it a day.

Saturday mornings were for my Pa and I. When I was younger he generally came up to our house to visit and have coffee as part of his weekend ritual. It wasn’t until I learned to use the phone that some Saturday’s he would show up unexpectedly and my parents would wonder why he was there. It turns out, I would call him without my parents knowing and ask him to come pick me up and take me down to their house for the day. Saturday mornings led to Saturday evenings where I wound up staying over their house. During the weekends, I spent at my grandparents, I would go hand in hand with my Pa to the hardware store, visit my Gram at the grocery store, help him clean their pool, and listen to Yankee games on the radio.

Growing up my grandparents were not retired, and still worked very hard. Today, this shows me even more that they cherished their time with our family even more.

My grandmother worked part-time at Grand Union (now Stop and Shop) as a cashier and my grandfather worked as a boiler operator working with various chemicals and mixtures like vanilla extract, mustard, and molasses. He had a very strong work ethic and saved every penny he could for his family. There was one time that he had to work in Maryland so he could reach his retirement. He would work Monday-Friday and come home Friday-Sunday for six months to be with my grandmother and his family.

When it was time for me to go to college, my grandparents were so excited. I was the first one on this side of the family to go away to college. They wanted to do whatever it took for me to succeed. Weeks before I left, my grandfather took me out to purchase a new computer to take to college. When it was time to move in, he was right there with me carrying boxes into the first floor of Hamilton at FDU.

One of the best parts of college: one Wednesday a month was set aside for my grandparents. They would come down with a case of water and food and when I started dating Courtney sophomore year, they would take us out to lunch at the diner in town.

My grandparents are the two most selfless people I know and have helped me in so many ways get to where I am today. Unfortunately, in January 2006 going into my last semester at college, my grandfather passed away. This was by far the most upsetting time for me, but believe it or not, his passing fueled me to leave even a greater legacy at FDU. The sacrifices I made, especially the long days and Friday afternoons planning our Habitat for Humanity trip, my Pa was in the back of mind. Thinking about his work ethic, his selflessness, and jovial personality, got me through the last semester in college.

Today, my Gram being the strong woman she is, has still been there for me. I have never seen her more proud than when I completed my masters degree, then when I got married, and now turning my passion into a reality. At 78 years old, she still works a few days a week at Stop and Shop, she cuts her own grass and shovels her own driveway. She also walks twice a day - Beyonce would definitely call her flawless...if she knew her. By the way, now that my cousin Leah is in college, she goes down to TCNJ with my Aunt and Uncle to keep the tradition alive and take her out to lunch.

The visits that my grandparents and I had growing up instilled in me the value of making time for the important people around you, especially face to face visits. As we get older our lives begin to move faster and faster and technology sometimes hides us behind a device. As I carve out my niche, it is a priority and value of mine to spend time face to face with my closest family and friends.

How they inspired me:

I look at the relationship my grandparents had and I strive for that everyday with Courtney and I. They worked hard while never complaining, enjoyed the every moment with their friends and family, and remained humble as they helped the people around them.

What they taught me:

My grandparents taught me a lot, specifically, to save your money but live in the present and not become too frugal. See, once a year (sometimes twice a year) they would take a cruise with their friends, visit Wildwood every September, and take our family on day trips to various parts of New Jersey. They showed me how to live life to the fullest.

#NicheTip:

Dedicate time at least once a month to visit with the people that mean the most to you.

Day 10- Learning Relational Leadership

As I mentioned in day nine’s post, I switched directions and instead of using my marketing degree and going into corporate, I started  working at Centenary College in August of 2006. The job at Centenary gave me the opportunity to build their campus recreation program from the ground up, develop student leadership initiatives, build a network of other student affairs professionals and work with incredible college students. In addition, this job allowed me to go back to school and earn a masters. Now, I didn’t jump right into a masters program - partly because I only started working there in August and it was difficult to enroll and be accepted that fall. Luckily, this timing allowed me some time to determine if I wanted to get an MBA or a Masters Degree in Education. In all honesty, I needed a few more months to clear my head of four straight years of college classes.

By that October though I started finalizing my options because a few of my colleagues, including my boss Kristen McKitish, recommended an amazing program to earn a masters in Leadership and Public Administration. She said the professors were some of the best professors she ever had and she had applied a lot of what she learned everyday. I applied, was accepted and signed up for my first class - Advanced Written Communication. This course was taught by Jeff Carter. It was a requirement in the program because of intensive writing required in order to successfully complete the program (when I completed the degree I had a portfolio of my papers from the ten classes in a four inch binder).

Jeff Carter was by far one of the best professors in the program. He was down to earth, treated us like adults and was one of the most efficient and well-prepared professors I ever had. I succeeded in the next 9 classes because of the discipline and attention to detail he instilled on the class. Our very first class he told us we would be writing a 20-30 page paper which I thought was a daunting task. However, he taught us how to research, how to write accurately in APA style, and chunk your writing instead of waiting until the last minute.

In addition to Jeff’s teaching skills, he captured my attention every class for each of the three courses I took with him. He was a retired police captain and was attaining his doctorate degree where he was doing a dissertation on Toxic Leadership. He matched the style of Ann Huser and Hart Singh, two of my favorite FDU professors, because he brought real-world examples into every classes.

What they taught me:

A lot of what Jeff Carter taught me has framed my leadership style: relational leadership. He was one of the main reasons I succeeded when it came to writing and presenting in each class as well as creating an engaging environment that made me want to go to every single class.

How they inspired me:

In a professional setting, Jeff has influenced me to be the best leader I can and provide the resources for those around me. In an academic setting, I strive to be a professor one day. His presentation style and ability to engage with his audience has spilled over into my presentation style.

#NicheTip:

When you are in a position of leadership, don't stand on a pedestal. People want to connect and relate to you, so give them stories and open yourself up to be able to do that.

Learning to write and present is so important for someone that is carving out their niche. Look for any opportunity to fine tune those skills. This will ensure that when you have figured out what your message is to the world, that you have the skills to share that message.

Day 9 - The 2nd Pivot: A New Career Path & a Boss That Believed In Me

I graduated Fairleigh Dickinson in May 2006 with a marketing degree in hand filled with unforgettable memories and experiences that prepared me for the real-world. However, I was caught in the silo of “you earned a degree in marketing, you have to get a marketing job.” I was still with the PR company I mentioned in yesterday’s post, still earning “intern” money but now commuting 90 minutes each way, sitting in an office with no windows, and not working on anything that inspired me. May turned into June. June quickly turned into July. In July, I shared with my boss at the PR firm that I was accepted to go back to FDU to earn a masters in Communication but I was still looking for full-time work. There was no opportunity for financial assistance from the firm or a significant increase worth the 90-minute commute.

That’s when I realized just two months after I graduated, that life was SLIPPING by. Courtney and I had less than a month left until she left for Pittsburgh for graduate school - so I called out sick and we packed her car with her yellow lab Bailey and we headed into the city. Since we had her dog, we went right to Central Park to lay out. That is when I discovered I needed to leave this job and not go back to school for communications, but to apply to work in any student affairs job I could get.

I quickly moved all my co-curricular activities (Habitat, Marketing Club, Programming Committee, etc) to the top of my resume. The three internships moved below. I applied for entry level jobs from Boston to North Carolina - coming up empty. Until I found a job for the Coordinator of Recreation Programming at Centenary College in Hackettstown, NJ. I went on two interviews and landed the job - complete with salary, housing, and allowance to take three classes a semester in any graduate program.

This is where I had met one of the top 3 bosses I’ve ever worked for - Kristen McKitish. She was the Director of Student Activities and we shared an office in 3rd Floor Ferry. The previous position only left behind a key to the office and manilla folder of previous invoices. The slate was clean, but more importantly Kristen was the perfect boss for this entry-level position.

One of the best things she did was trust me. On my very first week she asked me to stay late for one of her events. I was able to connect with new students and I had a sense of responsibility right out of the gate. Kristen helped me connect with the right people on campus, delegate the politics and red tape, and helped me only when I needed it. She would always say, “You good Kev-O? If you need my help just let me know.” There were times I definitely needed her help or assistance at a late night program but most of the time the “show” was all mine.

When I look back it, the environment Kristen instilled was all about autonomy and not taking life too seriously. Yes, I was hired to run and grow Centenary’s recreation department. However, I was able to volunteer late night with our Hurricane Katrina Disaster Relief Trip, help bring our first ever Student Leadership Retreat to campus (with Stacy, Neil, and Kirsten), and create marketing strategies for our Student Life entire office. All while going back to school part time for my Master’s degree in Leadership with a focus on Student Leadership.

Kristen was like the mayor of 3rd Floor Ferry - she got along with everyone. She knew how to work with anyone, but also knew when to keep her head down and work or help out those around her. She was great with students and taught me a lot about how to supervise students while still building a respectful rapport with them even though I was only two years older than most of them.

Kristen’s philosophy on work is when it’s done - go home. Monday through Thursday evenings and occasional weekends kept us very busy. A lot of times, I would be on campus 8:30am-11pm only taking a break for dinner and my 2-3 hour class. Come Friday’s, should say “What are you doing here, you’ve already put in 40+ hours.” If my work was done, she would force me to leave and go home to relax.

What they taught me:

Kristen taught me how to lead others and create an environment where your people can thrive. She taught me how to give others trust, and how to find that sweet spot between the micro-managers and the missing in action managers. A lot of how I lead my staff today is grounded in what I learned from working for Kristen.

How they inspired me:

Kristen inspired me to carve out my niche on Centenary’s campus. I’m sure she had plenty of ideas on how she would have run the recreation initiatives, but she let me have a vision and “run with it.” After feeling burned out from the PR internship, this opportunity to carve out my niche on campus served was exactly what I needed to feel inspired again.

#Nichetip:

If someone gives you the opportunity to build something from the ground up, take full advantage of it. Use it as an opportunity to figure out your niche and build upon that. I have seen too many people start a job in an autonomous work environment and run scared because they are afraid to mess it up. Believe in yourself, and make the most of these opportunities.

If you manage others, give them autonomy and instill trust in their abilities. This is a very motivating management style.