Day 12 - Build Your Network Before You Need It

While working at Centenary College from 2006-2008 I worked hard to build a foundation to build a Recreation department rather than just the intramurals programming I was hired for. When I started, the college had a new gymnasium and recreation center under construction but vision was to offer open recreation, intramural programming, trips and special events. Outside of my colleagues, I needed some help.

After doing some research, I came across NIRSA (National Intramural Recreation Sports Association), the professional development and governing body of collegiate Recreation professionals. Luckily, in February of 2007, I discovered Rutgers University was hosting a NJ NIRSA State Workshop. I registered myself and five of our student employees and this was the start of my professional involvement in NIRSA. I met several colleagues like Diana Clauss from Rider, Jess Ward from Rutgers, and John Mazurri from Stevens Tech.

Less than a year later I attended the Region 1 conference in Ithaca, NY where I brought four of our student leaders who were really interested in going into campus recreation. We got up there early to attend the pre-conference Student Lead-On portion, and I had registered all of us for the mentor-mentee program. Even though I was a professional staff, I wanted a chance to meet some other colleagues so I was excited to participate as well. That afternoon I found out I was paired with Jess Ward, the Intramural Coordinator at Rutgers.

Jess’ welcoming personality and genuine effort to introduce me to other RU alumni that were now in the field and other intramural professionals up and down the east coast has been invaluable to my career. I decided at that conference to volunteer and join a committee to help carry out the 2008 state workshop at Rider University. I had a chance to work with Jess and some other great colleagues while presenting my first workshop. At this point, I was continuing to grow our programming at Centenary while growing my network.

A short time later, I reached out to Jess about an open position within Rutgers Recreation. I applied to the job in December of 2007 but didn’t hear anything until May 2008 when I was invited for an interview for the Special Events position. It turns out, after talking with Jess, she kept me in mind and helped get my resume to the top. Long story short, I interviewed and didn’t get the position. It was ok - I got some experience and got my foot in the door meeting more professionals.

I was sure to send thank you notes to everyone I met and a few months later, I was told there was an opening for Intramural Coordinator. It turns out this was Jess’s position as she was leaving to work at Princeton University. When she was leaving, she was asked if she knew of any candidates she would recommend and she brought my name up again to her boss Paul Fischbach.

That saying, “everything happens for a reason” may be a cliche, but I went on two interviews and landed a job in August 2008 at Rutgers Recreation as their Intramural Coordinator. I owe a sincere thanks to Jess Ward for always helping me out. I remember the day I accepted, my new boss Paul called me that Friday evening to welcome me aboard - a nice gesture I still think about today.

Paul has had an influential role in helping me find my niche as he shares the same values in student development. He always looked out for me and to this day he still introduces me to anyone he knows at Rutgers. Even though I was working as the Intramural Coordinator it was an avenue to facilitate student leadership, development and offer innovative programming to the university population. Paul gave me the opportunity to be hands-on and foster a community on the Livingston campus.

Taking this job and leap into a large public university and department has been one of the best transitions that set up the next few posts in my series.

How They Inspired Me:

In this new role at Rutgers, I was able to combine my passions of programming and development with my knowledge of leadership to facilitate a community where college students could learn real-world skills. Paul always said that we helped develop and bring students together and that recreation just got in the way.

What They Taught Me:

The one thing I learned from both Paul and Jess is to always have a caring and genuine personality and help be a connector.

#NicheTip:

Take advantage of mentor-mentee programs, and professional development opportunities. Rutgers University gets about 200-250 applicants per job opening in the student affairs division. If you don’t know someone it can be very difficult to get your foot in the door. That being said, don’t just network to network. My relationship with Jess wasn’t around getting some job, it was about learning how to build my program at Centenary bigger and better. Authenticity and integrity when connecting with others is critical.

Day 11 - Make Time for the Most Important People Around You

My grandparents, Joan and Ernie DeGraw (married on March 4th, 1956), have been the two most inspirational people in my life next to my mom and dad.  From the minute I was born, I had their full attention, love, and support. For me, being an only child certainly had its perks when I was around Gram and Pa. I can recall my fondest memories started with every Wednesday and Saturday I spent with them growing up.

Wednesdays were days I spent with my Gram. She would pick me up from school, we would head to Mcdonalds, and then if it was nice out, we would head to the park spending countless hours playing on the playground or riding my bike. There was never a time my gram got sick of pushing me on the swing, following me around on my bike or hurrying me up to go home. She wouldn’t call it quits until I was ready to call it a day.

Saturday mornings were for my Pa and I. When I was younger he generally came up to our house to visit and have coffee as part of his weekend ritual. It wasn’t until I learned to use the phone that some Saturday’s he would show up unexpectedly and my parents would wonder why he was there. It turns out, I would call him without my parents knowing and ask him to come pick me up and take me down to their house for the day. Saturday mornings led to Saturday evenings where I wound up staying over their house. During the weekends, I spent at my grandparents, I would go hand in hand with my Pa to the hardware store, visit my Gram at the grocery store, help him clean their pool, and listen to Yankee games on the radio.

Growing up my grandparents were not retired, and still worked very hard. Today, this shows me even more that they cherished their time with our family even more.

My grandmother worked part-time at Grand Union (now Stop and Shop) as a cashier and my grandfather worked as a boiler operator working with various chemicals and mixtures like vanilla extract, mustard, and molasses. He had a very strong work ethic and saved every penny he could for his family. There was one time that he had to work in Maryland so he could reach his retirement. He would work Monday-Friday and come home Friday-Sunday for six months to be with my grandmother and his family.

When it was time for me to go to college, my grandparents were so excited. I was the first one on this side of the family to go away to college. They wanted to do whatever it took for me to succeed. Weeks before I left, my grandfather took me out to purchase a new computer to take to college. When it was time to move in, he was right there with me carrying boxes into the first floor of Hamilton at FDU.

One of the best parts of college: one Wednesday a month was set aside for my grandparents. They would come down with a case of water and food and when I started dating Courtney sophomore year, they would take us out to lunch at the diner in town.

My grandparents are the two most selfless people I know and have helped me in so many ways get to where I am today. Unfortunately, in January 2006 going into my last semester at college, my grandfather passed away. This was by far the most upsetting time for me, but believe it or not, his passing fueled me to leave even a greater legacy at FDU. The sacrifices I made, especially the long days and Friday afternoons planning our Habitat for Humanity trip, my Pa was in the back of mind. Thinking about his work ethic, his selflessness, and jovial personality, got me through the last semester in college.

Today, my Gram being the strong woman she is, has still been there for me. I have never seen her more proud than when I completed my masters degree, then when I got married, and now turning my passion into a reality. At 78 years old, she still works a few days a week at Stop and Shop, she cuts her own grass and shovels her own driveway. She also walks twice a day - Beyonce would definitely call her flawless...if she knew her. By the way, now that my cousin Leah is in college, she goes down to TCNJ with my Aunt and Uncle to keep the tradition alive and take her out to lunch.

The visits that my grandparents and I had growing up instilled in me the value of making time for the important people around you, especially face to face visits. As we get older our lives begin to move faster and faster and technology sometimes hides us behind a device. As I carve out my niche, it is a priority and value of mine to spend time face to face with my closest family and friends.

How they inspired me:

I look at the relationship my grandparents had and I strive for that everyday with Courtney and I. They worked hard while never complaining, enjoyed the every moment with their friends and family, and remained humble as they helped the people around them.

What they taught me:

My grandparents taught me a lot, specifically, to save your money but live in the present and not become too frugal. See, once a year (sometimes twice a year) they would take a cruise with their friends, visit Wildwood every September, and take our family on day trips to various parts of New Jersey. They showed me how to live life to the fullest.

#NicheTip:

Dedicate time at least once a month to visit with the people that mean the most to you.

Day 10- Learning Relational Leadership

As I mentioned in day nine’s post, I switched directions and instead of using my marketing degree and going into corporate, I started  working at Centenary College in August of 2006. The job at Centenary gave me the opportunity to build their campus recreation program from the ground up, develop student leadership initiatives, build a network of other student affairs professionals and work with incredible college students. In addition, this job allowed me to go back to school and earn a masters. Now, I didn’t jump right into a masters program - partly because I only started working there in August and it was difficult to enroll and be accepted that fall. Luckily, this timing allowed me some time to determine if I wanted to get an MBA or a Masters Degree in Education. In all honesty, I needed a few more months to clear my head of four straight years of college classes.

By that October though I started finalizing my options because a few of my colleagues, including my boss Kristen McKitish, recommended an amazing program to earn a masters in Leadership and Public Administration. She said the professors were some of the best professors she ever had and she had applied a lot of what she learned everyday. I applied, was accepted and signed up for my first class - Advanced Written Communication. This course was taught by Jeff Carter. It was a requirement in the program because of intensive writing required in order to successfully complete the program (when I completed the degree I had a portfolio of my papers from the ten classes in a four inch binder).

Jeff Carter was by far one of the best professors in the program. He was down to earth, treated us like adults and was one of the most efficient and well-prepared professors I ever had. I succeeded in the next 9 classes because of the discipline and attention to detail he instilled on the class. Our very first class he told us we would be writing a 20-30 page paper which I thought was a daunting task. However, he taught us how to research, how to write accurately in APA style, and chunk your writing instead of waiting until the last minute.

In addition to Jeff’s teaching skills, he captured my attention every class for each of the three courses I took with him. He was a retired police captain and was attaining his doctorate degree where he was doing a dissertation on Toxic Leadership. He matched the style of Ann Huser and Hart Singh, two of my favorite FDU professors, because he brought real-world examples into every classes.

What they taught me:

A lot of what Jeff Carter taught me has framed my leadership style: relational leadership. He was one of the main reasons I succeeded when it came to writing and presenting in each class as well as creating an engaging environment that made me want to go to every single class.

How they inspired me:

In a professional setting, Jeff has influenced me to be the best leader I can and provide the resources for those around me. In an academic setting, I strive to be a professor one day. His presentation style and ability to engage with his audience has spilled over into my presentation style.

#NicheTip:

When you are in a position of leadership, don't stand on a pedestal. People want to connect and relate to you, so give them stories and open yourself up to be able to do that.

Learning to write and present is so important for someone that is carving out their niche. Look for any opportunity to fine tune those skills. This will ensure that when you have figured out what your message is to the world, that you have the skills to share that message.

Day 9 - The 2nd Pivot: A New Career Path & a Boss That Believed In Me

I graduated Fairleigh Dickinson in May 2006 with a marketing degree in hand filled with unforgettable memories and experiences that prepared me for the real-world. However, I was caught in the silo of “you earned a degree in marketing, you have to get a marketing job.” I was still with the PR company I mentioned in yesterday’s post, still earning “intern” money but now commuting 90 minutes each way, sitting in an office with no windows, and not working on anything that inspired me. May turned into June. June quickly turned into July. In July, I shared with my boss at the PR firm that I was accepted to go back to FDU to earn a masters in Communication but I was still looking for full-time work. There was no opportunity for financial assistance from the firm or a significant increase worth the 90-minute commute.

That’s when I realized just two months after I graduated, that life was SLIPPING by. Courtney and I had less than a month left until she left for Pittsburgh for graduate school - so I called out sick and we packed her car with her yellow lab Bailey and we headed into the city. Since we had her dog, we went right to Central Park to lay out. That is when I discovered I needed to leave this job and not go back to school for communications, but to apply to work in any student affairs job I could get.

I quickly moved all my co-curricular activities (Habitat, Marketing Club, Programming Committee, etc) to the top of my resume. The three internships moved below. I applied for entry level jobs from Boston to North Carolina - coming up empty. Until I found a job for the Coordinator of Recreation Programming at Centenary College in Hackettstown, NJ. I went on two interviews and landed the job - complete with salary, housing, and allowance to take three classes a semester in any graduate program.

This is where I had met one of the top 3 bosses I’ve ever worked for - Kristen McKitish. She was the Director of Student Activities and we shared an office in 3rd Floor Ferry. The previous position only left behind a key to the office and manilla folder of previous invoices. The slate was clean, but more importantly Kristen was the perfect boss for this entry-level position.

One of the best things she did was trust me. On my very first week she asked me to stay late for one of her events. I was able to connect with new students and I had a sense of responsibility right out of the gate. Kristen helped me connect with the right people on campus, delegate the politics and red tape, and helped me only when I needed it. She would always say, “You good Kev-O? If you need my help just let me know.” There were times I definitely needed her help or assistance at a late night program but most of the time the “show” was all mine.

When I look back it, the environment Kristen instilled was all about autonomy and not taking life too seriously. Yes, I was hired to run and grow Centenary’s recreation department. However, I was able to volunteer late night with our Hurricane Katrina Disaster Relief Trip, help bring our first ever Student Leadership Retreat to campus (with Stacy, Neil, and Kirsten), and create marketing strategies for our Student Life entire office. All while going back to school part time for my Master’s degree in Leadership with a focus on Student Leadership.

Kristen was like the mayor of 3rd Floor Ferry - she got along with everyone. She knew how to work with anyone, but also knew when to keep her head down and work or help out those around her. She was great with students and taught me a lot about how to supervise students while still building a respectful rapport with them even though I was only two years older than most of them.

Kristen’s philosophy on work is when it’s done - go home. Monday through Thursday evenings and occasional weekends kept us very busy. A lot of times, I would be on campus 8:30am-11pm only taking a break for dinner and my 2-3 hour class. Come Friday’s, should say “What are you doing here, you’ve already put in 40+ hours.” If my work was done, she would force me to leave and go home to relax.

What they taught me:

Kristen taught me how to lead others and create an environment where your people can thrive. She taught me how to give others trust, and how to find that sweet spot between the micro-managers and the missing in action managers. A lot of how I lead my staff today is grounded in what I learned from working for Kristen.

How they inspired me:

Kristen inspired me to carve out my niche on Centenary’s campus. I’m sure she had plenty of ideas on how she would have run the recreation initiatives, but she let me have a vision and “run with it.” After feeling burned out from the PR internship, this opportunity to carve out my niche on campus served was exactly what I needed to feel inspired again.

#Nichetip:

If someone gives you the opportunity to build something from the ground up, take full advantage of it. Use it as an opportunity to figure out your niche and build upon that. I have seen too many people start a job in an autonomous work environment and run scared because they are afraid to mess it up. Believe in yourself, and make the most of these opportunities.

If you manage others, give them autonomy and instill trust in their abilities. This is a very motivating management style.

Day 8 - Office Crashers: When I Asked for Help, I Got Much More Than I Ever Anticipated

My junior year at FDU took my college experience from good to great because of the new involvement I had on campus and new outlook on myself. The momentum kept strong going into my senior year. I had just completed a three month marketing internship at Ciao Bella Gelato (If you ever come across this, try it), landed a fall internship at a PR company, and was looking for ways to avoid senioritis. Quickly, things like my commitment to the golf team, unnecessary classes, and weak-tied relationships moved to the bottom of my priorities.

I introduced you to my friend Russ Bloodgood in yesterday's Day 7 post because of his influence in my senior year. However, his experience on his Habitat for Humanity trip didn’t hit me until around November 2005. At the time, I was the outgoing president of the Marketing Club, held a decent PR internship, and was involved in FDU’s programming committee. I felt that there was still something else out there that I wanted to accomplish.

Enter Michelle (Luff) Brisson. Michelle started working at FDU in August of 2005 as the new Assistant Director of Student Life, and took over for Ray and Nat’s vacant positions. She attended Millersville University for her undergrad and had just graduated from University of Vermont with a masters in Students Affairs. She was the new kid on the block and all of us involved on campus we’re excited for her new energy.

Several of my friends, including Courtney, warmed right up to her and quickly established a student-mentor relationship. It wasn’t until that November, when I went into Michelle’s office and told her about Russ’ Habitat for Humanity experience that we connected. Michelle’s response was nothing short of amazing.

Just like a great Student Affairs professional should be, she was thrilled about the idea.

She matched my enthusiasm and vision to bring it to FDU.

She also said things like “How can I help?” and “What do we need to do to make this work?”

From that initial meeting on, I knew I had at least one person in my corner to make a Habitat for Humanity trip launch. Every Friday until winter break, I spent 8-hour days in Michelle office (Michelle, thanks for letting me crash your office) researching sites, filling out applications, developing guidelines, creating participant applications, designing a marketing plan, building a fundraising strategy, etc. Over winter break, this is all I could think about. We returned in January and Michelle and I started right back up.

We spent countless Fridays interviewing the 30 students who applied for the first trip. Michelle successfully got buy in from our Provost with a $1,000 donation from his budget towards the trip. Once we had our team in place, we met almost every Tuesday evening until our trip. Michelle even helped us find a full-time professional staff member to chaperone the trip - Marc Cocchiola (A tremendous help and addition to the trip). When it was all said and done, we had secured a volunteer spot in Opelika, AL (right outside Auburn, AL), raised upwards of $7,000 in 6 weeks to fund the trip, and won the approval of several administrators to send a group of 15 students to Alabama for spring break.

Michelle’s work wasn’t done. Even though she couldn’t attend the trip, due to a conference she was attending, she helped us execute a banquet to thank our sponsors and bring together the 15 students and their closest friends and family. When it was all said and done, just like my friend Russ, Michelle had impacted and changed the lives of 15 college students. She helped us finish a house in Alabama for a lady named Ms. Penny the week we were there. She even influenced this group enough that it carried on two more years even after I graduated and she had taken another job.

Needless to say, Michelle has been a true friend and mentor to Courtney and I. She is the reason we both went into student affairs and want to inspire young adults. As I was trying to break into student affairs, Michelle was there to help me find my first job. She was there as a reference when I applied to work at Rutgers.

Michelle, her hard-working husband Ben, and their adorable three year old daughter Penny are still there for us today. They helped us paint our house the first weekend we moved in. They were there for us the day we had to put down our first dog Abby. They even let us borrow Ol’ Red, their 1994 red Ford-150 when we need to move things my CRV can’t fit.

How They Inspired Me:

When a student presents a new idea to me, I remember the enthusiasm that Michelle had with me. I make sure to give that kind of enthusiasm to every student that comes into my office.

What They Taught Me:

Michelle taught me to have patience and embrace every single moment a student crashes your office whether it be for 5 minutes or 8 hours. When they do that it means they like being around and look up to you - cherish it because you’re making a difference.

#NicheTip:

Ask for help. Finding your niche and following your dreams will often present you with a heavy workload. Chances are there is someone out there that would not only help you, but they would be thrilled to do so. In return, you may just find an incredible mentor and friend.