Day 3 - Best Man or Better Man

“A lot of women grow up with the dream of getting married and having a child. I think Courtney hit the jackpot, because she is getting married to a child.”

This is the way John Giannone started out his best man speech at my wedding in May 2010. See, John is that guy who is a child at heart, will bring laughter to any room, and can hold a conversation with the best of them. And, he likes to give his closest friends and family a bunch of shit (I mean that in the nicest way possible).

John Giannone (the best man) is great with family members and new friends, and creating genuine conversations. Years later, he still remembers all of our FDU & Rutgers friends and he has the personality where he can join into any group setting.

John Giannone (the business man) is intellectual, hard working, and smarter than I’ll ever be. He’s great with numbers, contracts, and relationship building.

Believe it or not, John and I go all the way back before pre-school where we both attended the same reading hour at Franklin Library. However, our friendship didn’t start there. About 7 to 8 years later, I was put on the Cardinals (Coach B’s) little league team with John. At that point, we became teammates. We attended separate grammar schools and didn’t start becoming friends until freshman year of high school. We played soccer, basketball and baseball together, and started to hang out with the same group of guys who we still hang out with to this day (Russ, Garry, Dave, and Scott).

So, why am I writing about one of my best friends? Not to get all mushy here, but there are a lot of traits I admire about John and he also indirectly played a huge role in my starting of the Niche Movement.

I see John as having a perfect balance of book smarts and street smarts. He holds a Mechanical Engineering degree from Rutgers University where he was president of his fraternity (Phi Tau) and recently earn an MBA at NYU’s Stern Business School while working full time. At the same time, he can think quick on his feet to offer the perfect punch line to any joke. All his joking aside, he truly cares about the people around him and the people he meets.

So how did John help influence the Niche Movement?

He was lucky enough to meet an amazing woman two years ago, now girlfriend, Benee Williams (also a Scarlet Knight alum). Courtney and I now are lucky to call her one of our friends as well, but she’s more than that. In October 2012 after a Rutgers football game, we all came back to our house where we sat around a fire pit. Everyone was in some way complaining about money and their job unfortunately. At that point, I spoke up and said “I love my job and get to make a difference in young adult’s lives everyday.”

After continuing on and on while some of our friends still didn't get what I did, I explained how my passion lies in not only helping college students thrive while they are in school, but thrive in their twenties after graduation. I hated seeing talented, hard-working and deserving students lives come to a screeching halt after graduation. It could be a boss they hated, or a work environment that didn’t “click.” Maybe it was a side project they put off, or a graduate program that they weren’t in to. And they didn’t know what to do. They were stuck.

That is when Benee exclaimed, “Kevin, you’re trying to help them find their niche!” And that is when the light bulb went off. The next morning I couldn’t stop thinking about what she said as I wrote and brainstormed. That Sunday evening, I purchased the domain TheNicheMovement.com. The rest, as they say, is history.

How they inspired me:

You know that saying “Surround yourself with great people…” well I am lucky to have John and Benee as close friends. John is one of the very few that I will bounce ideas of off, accomplishments, or new ventures in this journey with the Niche Movement and he never questions it by saying things like “what if.” He always responds with “That’s awesome, man. Let me know how I can help.” That is how they inspire me. To know that I have a huge support system to dive into the unknown.

What they taught me:

To live in the moment, relax and have fun.

#Nichetip

An idea or project you are working on can come together when you least expect it. Don’t be afraid to share your passion with others around you, you never know who will help you go onto the the next step.

Oh, by the way, here is what you’ve all been waiting for: Intro to John’s best man speech

Day 2 - Pushing Your Comfort Zone

I remember it like it was yesterday. We were half way through our Spring semester - sophomore year and Courtney suggested I apply to become an orientation leader (she, of course, had already applied). At this time, we knew each other for a year and a half and only held the title of “boyfriend and girlfriend” for maybe 5 months.

My first reaction to her suggestion, “Oh, she just wants me to apply so we don’t have to be apart for the summer.” I still to this day believe that, but she had the inkling that a) I was qualified, b) it would change me for the better, and c) I would be a great role model for Fairleigh Dickinson’s incoming students. Well, I hate to admit it, but she was right.

Needless to say, Courtney, myself and 16 others (Ruben Henao, Dina Deleasa, Mike Sorbino, Michelle Rodriguez to name a few) went on to become FDU’s 2004 Orientation Leaders and boy, was it a summer that changed my life for the better. You’ll meet Ray, Nat, and Sarah later on in my #HowIFoundMyNiche series, but these group of individuals have had a huge impact on where I am today. Needless to say, applying and accepting to be an orientation leader is one of top 5 “leap of faith's” I have taken.

Anyway, back to Courtney. See, after 13 years (4 years of marriage) she still knows what's good for me even if I don’t see it. She knows how to motivate me, kick my ass when I need it, and pick me back up when I’m at the bottom. (Thank you for that.) Her work ethic has always amazed me and scared me at the same time. When she finds something she is passionate about, she goes all in and will do whatever it takes to get it done. And that’s what I love about being able to spend the rest of my life with her.

It’s like that Nascar drafting theory - the more ambitious either of us are, we always find a way to keep up, tailing right behind one another. When I see Courtney’s hard work pay off, I see the value of the hustle I’ve been putting in and know it will all be worth it sooner or later.

For those of you reading this that know Courtney, then you know the head she has on her shoulders. For those of you that don’t, then I suggest you connect with her ASAP. She has an uncanny ability to put others ahead of herself and go the extra mile.

I’m fortunate to have someone like her to bounce ideas off of and receive her help when I ask (and especially when I don’t ask).

How they inspired me:

If it’s not clear from the above, Courtney has made a huge impact on me. She provides light at the end of the tunnel, helps me solve a lot of problems in work and life, and always helps me see the optimistic side of things.

What they taught me:

Lately, Courtney has taught me I need to find the silver lining and be the most positive and proactive version of myself.

Overall, she has taught me not to give up on my dreams, big or small.

#Nichetip

What I’d like you to take away:

1. If someone you trust and that knows you well suggests you try something new or put yourself out there, listen to them and do it. Take that leap of faith. Push your comfort zone.

2. When you find that person you can be in the fox hole with day in and day out, don’t let them go and work hard as hell to keep them in your life.

Day 1 - Appreciating Your Parents

As we get older, the more obvious it is that our parents played such an important role to shape us into the adults we are today. Lately, I have been counting my blessings on how lucky I am to have both my parents, Kevin and Mary, side by side, every step of my journey. As I reflect on who my parents truly are and what they value, it is crazy how much of their characteristics, values, and personalities have blended into who I am at 31 years old. My dad, Kevin, has been the hardest working, most caring man I know. He’s reserved, soft-spoken, and conservative. But just like me, when he speaks, people listen. My mom, Mary, on the other hand, is the life of the party, could talk a dog off a bone, and has the sharpest memory I’ve ever seen (this has it’s pro’s and con’s, believe me). Mom, I if you're reading this I mean that in the nicest way possible :)

I get my hard working, “help-everyone” attitude from my dad, but can put to use my mom’s outgoing personality to strike up conversations to network and connect people together. I’m most grateful that the memory gene has been passed onto me and it comes in handy while building relationships with everyone I meet.

I grew up a simple life. I am an only child, but lucky enough to have many cousins around, that at several times, felt like brothers and sisters. My parents never gave me more than I needed, but always seemed to make things work even if times were tight or something seemed out of reach. Perfect example: My senior year of high school in 2002, I had the opportunity to visit Wales and England because of an exchange program my golf coach set up every four years. I'm pretty confident no one in my family has traveled overseas and every way they could, they supported this once in a lifetime experience. I thank you both everyday for this.

Here’s a snapshot of how they’ve inspired me, what they taught me, and what you can take away.

How they inspired me: As I reflect to answer this question, I know they want me to be happy. I never had pressure to become “successful” or follow a family member’s footsteps. They allowed me to be who I wanted to be, but when I reached out for help, they are there.

What they taught me: They taught me that there’s always a way to “make it work.” Whether it relates to finances, marriage, family, or career you can find a way to solve the problem, move forward, and look to the bright side.

#NicheTip: What I'd like you to take away from this post is that there is someone out there that has or is going to someday shape your life.

1. Don’t take them for granted and let them know they influenced you.

2. Reflect on how they have inspired you and pass that onto others.

3. If you want something bad enough, find a way to “make it work.”

See What Sticks: Tips for a hAPPy Life

This month's read was the latest book from Harvard professor and educational psychologist Howard Gardner. Along with fellow researcher (and former student) Katie Davis, he wrote The App Generation: How Today's Youth Navigate Identity, Intimacy, and Imagination in a Digital World. Lest you believe this will be a post lamenting the ubiquitous nature of technology in our society, let me put your mind at ease: that's not what I'm here for. Gardner and Davis provide compelling evidence on either side of that particular argument. What I want to talk about is an interesting distinction they make in the use of apps: are you, in your day-to-day life, app-dependent or app-enabled? Davis and Gardner disambiguate this pair of terms early in the book, then go on to explain how each element they explore (identity, intimacy, and imagination) can be affected by one mentality or another. According to Davis and Gardner:

[...] apps that allow or encourage us to pursue new possibilities are app-enabling. In contrast, when we allow apps to restrict or determine our procedures, choices and goals, we become app-dependent. [emphasis added]

To draw the analogy of building a house: do you see apps as the foundation upon which you build, or the walls that define where the house is and how you can navigate within it? Before you decide which characterization applies to your way of life, consider this pair of quotes from two different places in the book:

Apps are great if they take care of ordinary stuff and thereby free us to explore new paths, form deeper relationships, ponder the bigger mysteries of life, forge a unique and meaningful identity. But if apps merely turn us into more skilled couch potatoes who do not think for ourselves, or pose new questions, or develop significant relationships, or fashion an appropriate, rounded, and continually evolving sense of self, then the apps simply line the road to serfdom, psychologically speaking. ("Introduction") Many students come to college with their lives all mapped out- a super-app. "I'll major in government, join the Institute of Politics, intern in DC in the summer, work for Teach for America, then run for state senator in my home district when I'm twenty-eight." Paths to the likes of Goldman-Sachs or McKinsey, architectural design or neurosurgery, follow similar trajectories. Put in Eriksonian terms, the students' identities are prematurely foreclosed because they don't allow space to explore alternatives. Not only is this mentality unrealistic (you might flunk organic chemistry, you might flub your interview at Google), but, importantly, it makes those kids who do not have their identities all mapped out-- who lack the super-app-- feel that they are losing out. ("Personal Identity in the Age of the App")

The desire to move from high school to college to the working world, sprinkling "developmentally appropriate" milestones such as marriage, financial independence, and parenthood along the way (achievements like this in an actual app could be represented by "badges") is, in some instances, part of an app-dependent mentality. But I want to clarify that statement. Am I say that any of these milestones should not be reached for? NOT AT ALL. But feeling pressure to graduate college at 21, be a department head or manager at 26, married at 30, or president by the Constitutionally-mandated minimum age of 35 is not altogether different from expecting to arrive at a hotel in 33 minutes just because your GPS told you so. In both instances, your expectations for what could be are supplanted by what you expect, demand, or require of yourself. In both instances, there's little space to be lost. And make no mistake- it's okay to be a little lost. When was the last time you truly allowed yourself to get lost? Lost on a series of roads, lost in a really good piece of music, lost in thought? There's time. I promise. And by giving up the idea of app-dependence, life-path dependence...you stand a better chance of succumbing to that lost feeling.

Daydreaming, wandering, and wondering have positive facets. Introspection may be particularly important for young people who are actively figuring out who and what they want to be. Without time and space to ponder alternative ways of being in the world--without breaking away from an app-determined life-- young persons risk prematurely foreclosing their identities, making it less likely that they will achieve a fully realized and personally fulfilling sense of self. ("Acts [and Apps] of Imagination")

But a word of warning: there is equal danger in what I call app-independence, or the equivalent of operating with simply a pair of coordinates. Finding your own way with little to no help or aim (what, in the wilderness, is known as orienteering) is extremely difficult, and dangerous if not undertaken thoughtfully. Look no further than Jon Krakauer's Into the Wild (the book, not the movie...just trust me) for an example of what happens when aimlessness is pursued as a direct alternative to an app-dependent existence. So if app-dependence is proverbial autopilot, and app-independence resembles staggering in the wilderness, what does app-enablement look like? Well, think of app-enablement as another object that rhymes with app- a map. Unlike a GPS or even point by point instructions given by GoogleMaps or MapQuest, maps show you the lay of the land and provide context for your surroundings. They can show you the most direct way to get somewhere, but also provide the context needed to safely veer off course, free to journey off course while mitigating fear of losing your way altogether. With a map, you can go your own way (marry later in life, take an unconventional career path, retire early) with an eye on the "grand scheme" of things. When apps enable that process, one is open to the idea of finding a job online without feeling tethered to sites like Monster or Indeed; one can trust that there are ways besides OKCupid or Tinder to meet that special someone. To loosen, but not abandon, your grip on not just technological apps, but any promise of a predetermined path to success, will help reduce anxiety and discover joy as your next steps unfold. To return to Davis and Gardner's words:

The birth of writing did not destroy human memory, though it probably brought to the fore different forms of memory for different purposes. The birth of printing did not destroy beautifully wrought graphic works, nor did it undermine all hierarchically organized religions. And the birth of apps need not destroy the human capacities to generate new issues and new solutions, and to approach them with the aid of technology when helpful, and otherwise to rely on one's wit.

Can you see areas in which you're app-dependent? What steps can you take toward being app-enabled?

Skip the 4.0

It is a hectic, stressful, hair-graying, frustrating, schedule-juggling, if-she-emails-me-one-more-time beautiful and life-changing experience. It is college and it is freakin’ awesome. They say that students nowadays are willing to pay ridiculous amounts of money to obtain a higher education that offers the “full college experience.” Let’s get one thing straight: I can tell you right now they don’t mean classes. Universities across the nation are raising tuition costs left and right because, among other expenses, they are competing with one another to offer all the different programs, services and opportunities young America is so desperately looking for.

Why, then, is so much emphasis put on academics? Although academic success is necessary, I mean, you are paying for it after all, the most important aspect of college is not killing yourself to get the best grade possible. It’s not pulling unhealthy all-nighters or being the first person to raise your hand after the professor’s every question. College life is about succeeding in the classroom while also participating in extracurricular activities that help to develop you as a student and as a potential employee. What matters is your ability to maintain that strong grade point average while also keeping up some sort of interactive, non-academic life. The ability to juggle your overall student experience - classes, work, clubs, fun - is what employers want to see because once college is over, you’ll need to juggle a whole lot more - work, bills, commute, life. And this is what you’re paying for.

 As a Rutgers student I was involved with the Student Life department since my college career began. I served on a few different student organizations and volunteer groups, both run by the Student Life department. Through my involvement with the department, I became an official member of the Student Life family, which at RU is a very highly recognized and respected group of talented, enthusiastic and innovative students. Along with Student Life, I was involved with Dining Services, Career Services and Athletics. Unfortunately, I had to graduate but – here’s the good news – unlike many post-grads, I graduated with a job offer.

My full-time job, however, was not earned from my degree or my course studies or my grades. I got this job because I had experience in programming, event-planning and leadership. Being involved in college can help you to learn many desired work-related skills such as time management, problem solving, and responsibility. But it can also do so much more, trust me. Becoming involved in organizations and clubs while in school can help you to build lifelong friendships, develop your leadership skills and most importantly build a strong, close-knit network of professionals for your job search. Isn’t that what it’s all about?

The first and easiest part about getting involved at school is that you get to make friends! It is highly likely that the groups you join will comprise students with similar interests, otherwise, why join the group? These settings are a great place to blow off some steam about school and have some fun while doing it. Not to mention, there is almost always free food at student events so you’ll even get a free meal every once in a while. Score! You can try new things like different cultural foods, recreational activities and explore new locations on campus. Although many organizations have obligations to meet and goals to accomplish, somehow it doesn’t seem so bad getting things done with friends.

Secondly, organizing different programs, meetings, and conferences can be very difficult even for professionals. Getting involved on campus will deliver you the necessary knowledge, skills, and abilities required in the professional world. Even as an underclassman, you can find a plethora of leadership opportunities on campus from becoming a general member of an organization to starting your own club. These kinds of activities are huge resume boosters as they prove to potential employers that you are able to lead a group of students and act in a professional manner to complete a goal. As a student leader, other students will come to you for advice, suggestions and mentoring. Over the course of your years in school, you can move up the ladder and take on leadership responsibilities as you become more skilled. The progression in leadership will show employers that you are capable, reliable and dedicated.

Not only will you make friends and become a leader, you’ll have unlimited opportunities to network with the extremely talented professional staff at your school. As a student leader you can meet professionals from many offices including career services, academic advising, dining services and many, many more. The professional staff are excellent references and resources to have in your future as they will be the people you work very closely with to progress your student’s organization. These people will be able to vouch for your success as an involved student and employers will trust their expertise more so than, say, a professor who barely knows your name. Your place as an involved student will also get you to experience diversity, first hand. Interaction with other students, faculty, and staff, creates an opportunity to learn something about yourself, others and the world around you.

You may be thinking, “Why would I want to take on more work?” or “I don’t have time for anything else.” My argument is that when you’re doing something you love, work is not a job. Being involved at school shouldn’t be perceived as a chore. It is an amazing, life-changing opportunity to meet people who are both similar to and different than you. Your training and experiences will give you specific skills and abilities that employers are looking for. And you’ll significantly expand your network of references by interacting with professional staff members who care about you and your future. So I ask you today...please don’t be a 4.0 try-hard. Don’t be that kid. Be the kid who couldn’t ask for a better college experience.