3 Techniques to Help You Take Better Risks & Tackle New Situations

 

In a dusty corner of the Internet is a post from my angsty, teenage Tumblr that reads: “Life is SO full of possibilities. I think my greatest fear is regret.” Years later, this feeling still resonates. Regret might be one of the most unpleasant feelings life has to offer, so it’s worth noting that over the long-term, we’re much more likely to regret the things we didn’t do. Which leads us to my message: Don’t let your passions and interests become regrets. If there’s something you really want to try,go for it.

I know. This is a little easier said than done. Putting yourself out there and exposing yourself to failure can be daunting, so we’re here to help. When doubts and fears begin to crowd out your thoughts, you need ways to bring yourself back to reality and keep your eyes on the prize. The next time you’re facing a new situation or taking a big risk, try the following tips adopted from a great book called The Charisma Myth:

1. Destigmatize Discomfort

Risk makes us uncomfortable because we feel like we aren’t in control. One way to overcome this feeling is to remind yourself of how completely normal it is to feel discomfort in this situation. For example, think of someone you greatly admire, someone who has accomplished amazing things. Imagine them in a similar situation, feeling equally scared and uncomfortable. (They all really have felt like that, by the way.) Now, think of all the other people in the world who are probably feeling the same way at this exact moment. You aren’t crazy. You aren’t overreacting. You’re just human like everyone else, and you’re trying to wrap your head around a new situation.

2. Neutralize Negativity

In these situations, we’re often our own worst enemy. We see things from the worst possible angle, and before even giving ourselves a fair shot we convince ourselves that things are going poorly. Instead, realize that your thoughts and perceptions aren’t necessarily the objective truth. Try assigning a label to your feelings, like “self criticism” or “frustration.” Think about them through the lens of a scientist. Your negative thoughts may simply be your brain’s instinctive reaction to a high-stakes situation. Now, imagine that all of these thoughts in your mind are just noise from a radio. Slowly turn down the dial.

3. Re-write Reality

Let’s say something goes really wrong, whether it’s because you took a risk or because you didn’t. You’re here now, so what can you do about it? All it takes to turn a stressful situation into a positive one is a change in your perspective. You’ve probably heard something like this before, so how do you actually translate this into reality?

Let’s think through a real situation. Maybe you just received a negative performance review at work. Find a piece of paper and write down all the possible ways in which this situation could actually end up being good for you. Imagine how this might be the first step in a series of events that leads to a great ending. Maybe the performance review shines a light on a problem that you can now work through so you can become incredible at what you do. Or maybe you realize the way your company measures you simply doesn’t mesh with who you want to become.

By deciding to interpret bad situations as first steps in a story with a happy ending, not only will you see the light at the end of the tunnel but you’ll actually be equipped with the perspective to turn the situation around.

Now that you’re equipped to handle stressful situations, let us know how you cope with risk and doubt. If you try out these tips, share your experiences in the comments below!

"Live in the Grey is an online resource for individuals seeking a fulfilling career that blends personal passions with professional pursuits. Read more from Live in the Grey here."

Giving Yourself Credit Where Credit is Due

I have become an expert at down-playing compliments whenever they are given to me.  I act like with all of my achievements as if they were just "things that came really easily to me" (even when I worked my butt off).  I'm a frequent user of phrases such as: "Oh, it was no big deal" or "Anyone can do it". I guess I always thought and was taught that, people like people who are modest and humble.  And I like being liked.  Boasting about your accomplishments is obnoxious and selfish.  Self-promotion is embarrassing and pushes people away.  Accepting a compliment when a compliment is given to you is just plain self righteous.  Ew.

But then...

I had an enlightening conversation with a friend the other day over lunch about how often we down play our accomplishments.

(It was eye-opening to realize that I was not the only one who did this, and even more eye-opening when I realized what a habit it had become.  And it was detrimental.)  

Many of us do this.  Is it because I'm a young professional?  A woman?  A human?  Because being boastful is an unattractive quality?  I do not have an answer as to why, but what I do know is that I must stop falling into the habit of responding to every compliment with, "It wasn't really that big of a deal" or "Anyone can do it" and start responding with a simple, "Thank you".

Why is it so hard?  Thanking someone for their compliment, for noticing your hard work, is something that you owe yourself. What is your self-talk like if you cannot accept someones kind words?  Negative.  

Saying thank you for a job-well-done is the least you can do to treat yourself with the love and respect that you deserve.

Giving yourself credit where credit is due is part of chasing your dreams. If we cannot sell ourselves well, how will we ever get where we want to be?  This means even past the interview.  (Even I can put on my "I'm awesome-face" and rock an interview.  But after the interview?  I'm back to disregarding compliments and stop believing in the awesomeness that I sold them on.)  I'm working on this personally and I challenge you to do the same.  Notice your reaction the next time someone pats you on the back for a job well done.  Allow yourself to feel proud.  You are awesome.  Stand tall, and say "thank you".

Now, by no means am I saying that you should scare away all of your friends by shouting from the rooftops about how wonderful you are.

But learning to accept a compliment when someone tells you that they appreciated your hard work, is good for not only your relationship with that person, but even more so, your relationship with yourself.

Your very, awesome, self.

Ask Yourself These 3 Questions Before You Apply To Your Next Job

During the month of September, I had the opportunity to connect with several young professionals (from our Niche List subscribers to college students) and pass along valuable career advice that I have found myself consistently sharing over the last two years. Before I share a few pieces of this advice, I'd like to spend 60 seconds highlighting the last two years of this amazing journey. Side note: I mention two years, because today is a BIG DAY - it is the The Niche Movement's two year anniversary!

Not only are we celebrating our two year anniversary, but I recently left my full time job at Rutgers University and 8 year stint working in student affairs to pursue and build out the The Niche Movement and my digital storytelling business full time, while my wife and I move to the DC area later this month. I am so excited to see this passion project turn into a true community to help others find the work they love.

Here are a few highlights and wins:

• To date, we have 15 talented contributing editors sharing their journey since college and on-going career advice to help others navigate this thing we called the "real-world."
• This summer, we were featured on Buzzfeed, Money Under 30, Gen Twenty, and had several other press opportunities.
• After launching our Kickstarter campaign, we were overwhelmed by the 80+ contributors that helped us exceed our funding goal to write our first book The Niche Movement: New Rules to Finding the Career Path You Love. (anticipated release January 2015)
• We have delivered workshops and keynotes to schools and organizations all over including Steven's Tech, University of Illinois - American Disabilities Association, and The Jersey Alliance to name a few.
• I have personally worked with students from all over the United States and as far as the University of Calgary to the University of Puerto Rico.
• Back in February of this year, I delivered my first TEDx talk, Skip Your Career Fair, that has had more than 1,500 views.
• In later summer of 2014, we launched the Niche List, a curated weekly email of jobs and career advice for 20-somethings.

Now, onto the career advice and questions that everyone should be asking themselves.

The job search is a lonely process. If you think about it, 99% of the time you are by yourself, behind a screen (generally, late at night), scrolling through job postings, one after another. Then, when you do stumble upon a posting you love and qualified for, you spend more time and energy crafting a perfect cover letter, updating your resume and more often than not, filling out an applicant tracking system. The cycle goes on and on and when you immerse yourself back into society the next day and see your friends and family you get one of these questions "How is your job search going?" or "Did you find a job yet?".  This repetitive cycle will wear down the best of us and all of the sudden a really talented young professional will start to second guess their skills, potential and calling in life.

However, before you get to this point or before you hit send on your next job application, take a few steps back and ask yourself these three questions:

Tip: The more time and thought you put into these questions, the better your outcome. 

1. What are three things you would do for free?

I like to pose this question to everyone I start to work with both in one on one settings and during my speaking engagements. This is such a powerful question and requires a lot of thought, but once you start identifying a few things you love so much that you don't care about the money, you can start drilling down into specific work industries, companies, and jobs - instead of just casting a wide-net in your job search. I would also recommend that if you are so passionate about something and the job you desire isn't out there, then create it yourself. We are living in a world of limitless connection and unlimited resources at your finger tips that you can turn a passion project into a business in no time. Just note, it requires a ton of hustle, self-esteem, and perseverance.

2. What do people around you say you are really good at?

I love this question and believe that every college student should continually ask this question starting in their junior year. Any chance you have, ask your professors, supervisors, advisors, best friends, family, etc. "What do you think our my strengths?" or "What skill am I really good at?".

3. What is something you have done in the last 6-12 months that has made you feel invincible?

A student of mine shared this question with me during our 6 week Niche Discovery cohort we ran last spring and I have asked myself this question just about once a month since hearing it. It is from Scott Dinsmore's Live Your Legend site and it is so powerful. When you find something that makes you feel invincible, you will stop at nothing to achieve it. If you are applying for (or already working for) a job at a company or in an industry you are not passionate about, you are not going to have a "do whatever it takes" mentality.

No matter what stage of your career you are in, you should constantly self-evaluate by asking these questions. I'd love to hear your responses to any or all of these questions so comment below or shoot me an email at kevin@thenichemovement.com.

See What Sticks: On Unnecessary Creativity

My previous post highlighted an essay from 99U's anthology on productivity, Manage Your Day to Day: Build Your Routine, Find Your Focus, and Sharpen Your Creative Mind. While I find a certain level of value in books like this, there's a small part of me that rails loudly against this mentality. Yes, we live in a world full of information and obligations. But doesn't such attention to squeezing the most out of our days rob us of the joy that comes from daydreaming, wondering, and occasional aimless living? It was with this contradiction in mind, that i stumbled upon Todd Henry's essay, "Creating for You, And You Alone." In it, he talks about cultivating the regular practice of unnecessary creation. Henry believes that these sorts of activities are "key to unlocking brilliant insight for the many people who have adopted it as a ritual."

Early on in our careers, it's easy to jump into the role at hand, particularly if our jobs are ones that we're passionate about. We live, eat, and breathe the trappings of our day-to-day jobs. And if we're not working? The search for that ideal job is what consumes us. This is a perfectly natural impulse to submit to. People far older than us define themselves in social settings by saying their name and their job; this tempts us into the belief that we must be just our work. But Henry pushes back on that assumption when speaking about unnecessary creation:

Consider, however, the opportunity cost of spending your life only on pragmatics. You dedicate your time to pleasing everyone else and delivering on their expectations, but you never get around to discovering your deeper aptitudes and creative capacities. Nothing is worth that. (emphasis added)

Henry goes on to list several other benefits of creating something just for yourself- something that won't make you money, won't get you a promotion, and might not even be seen by others. Among those points:

"Unnecessary Creation gives you the freedom to explore new possibilities and follow impractical curiosities." I'll give you an example: I surf. Not well, at all. But I do. I used to often tell myself I didn't have time to learn, that it wasn't something that would have any utility for me, and that it wasn't worth pursuing. But once I tried, I was hooked. It challenged me physically, allowed me to free myself mentally, and gave me a sense of accomplishment in a difficult task that emboldened me to take chances in other areas. I could work hard at something in the office that challenged me, because I fought waves to stand up on a board when I didn't think I could. We all have latent wishes or talents that we don't exercise anymore. Rather than asking yourself, "What use does that hobby have in my life," think instead, "What could pursuing this hobby give me where it 'counts'?"

"Unnecessary Creation allows you to take risks and develop new skills that can later be applied to your on-demand creativity." In an effort to try a type of writing that scares me a little, I recently started taking a sketchwriting class. While I'm never fully convinced that I'm funny, the discipline of being asked to create something from scratch on a regular basis (not unlike writing this feature, to be honest!) helps me get over the fear that used to paralyze me when I first started writing. Ray Bradbury, the author of Fahrenheit 451, once wrote,"Quantity produces quality. If you only write a few things, you're doomed." His craft was writing, but this quote applies to a great many creative pursuits. Trying different things inoculates you against the terror that comes from sharing the fruits of your labor. The more you do, the better you get, and the less vulnerable that presentation element makes you feel. And like I mentioned in the last section- once you're confident in one arena, you can take that confidence "on tour" to other domains of your life.

"Unnecessary Creation provides a forum for the pursuit of voice, and a reminder that you are not the sum of what you make." Say it with me: you are bigger than the thing that earns you your paycheck. Unnecessary creation gives you a record by which to see that. Looking over my blog archive, photographs of me surfing or the food that I cook, and my book, remind me that there's more to me than what I do between the hours of 8:30 and 4:30 (plus some evenings and weekends, according to my official job description). Unnecessary creation doesn't just give you a playground to make you a better worker, it provides a playground to make you a better, fuller, and more fulfilled person.

I say often, I have no use for boring people. Unnecessary creation guards against becoming boredom. Whether you deem yourself creative or not (and we all can be!), taking time to indulge in creative pursuits can hold value for most anyone. Don't seek to find time for it, make time for it. Your work, your peers, and your inner self will thank you for it.

Looking to Relocate For a Job Opportunity? Ask Yourself These Four Questions

Two years ago I graduated from college. Two and a half years ago my then-boyfriend-now-husband was offered a position at a tech company. The kicker being it was on the other side of the country.

After going to college within two hours of home, were we really prepared to pack up and move to the other side of the country? After a week or so of debating and weighing the pros and cons, we decided to go for it. We asked ourselves a myriad of questions before we made our final decision, and in hindsight, some turned out to be much more relevant than others.

If you are on the fence about relocating for a job opportunity, I suggest you consider these questions and your answers very carefully: 

1. Do you have a support system?

Yes, you can move on your own and start over in a new place where hardly anyone knows your name, but it’s a lot easier when you know you have people behind you who support your decision. 

Making friends outside of work and school is hard. We connect easily to the people who are connected to us by a place or time, but once you start looking to make friends outside of those places it is much more difficult. While most people are friendly, it seems like the older we get, the less people actually want to be friends. 

Having an established support system (even on the other side of the country) to keep in touch with will provide you support when you are really worried about things but also will (hopefully) give you the kick in the pants you need to get out of your apartment and make friends.  

2. Can you afford to be homesick? Could you get back to your family quickly in an emergency?

Living so far away from our family and most of our closest friends is really tough sometimes. We aren’t able to celebrate many milestones in person and miss out on a lot of bonding time. Occasionally, I want nothing more than to hop on a plane back to the land of the familiar.

It is a luxury to be able to travel at the drop of a hat, and if you the type of person that is really close with and dependent on your family and friends, you’ll need to budget that into your lifestyle. 

Additionally, consider the expense of a family emergency. How far is the flight or drive between your new home and your old one? This was something my mom brought up before we made our final decision. 

Luckily, because she brought it up well ahead of time, we have set up an emergency travel fund that we can use in case of an emergency with our families. Unfortunately, we had to use it this year when my mom suffered from a ruptured brain aneurysm (see - anything can happen at anytime). Because I was prepared, I was able to be at her side within 12 hours of getting that phone call, and I am extremely grateful that it was something I was ready for ahead of time. 

3. Will it be worth it?

Is the job something you really want to do and are interested in? It’s one thing to accept an offer where you are already established and could easily leave the job if it wasn’t what you really wanted. Once you’ve moved and set up shop somewhere else, it could be a lot more difficult to leave your position.

In our case, the company relocated us, however, if we had decided that it wasn’t going to work out, the second relocation expenses would be on us (something we weren’t truly able to afford at the time).

Another thing we considered was the type of jobs in our current area. The type of position my husband was looking for wasn’t readily available and the advancement opportunities and challenges within the position also weren’t favorable. If you are serious about your work, relocating might be worth it just for this aspect - it has been for us so far. 

4. Have you ever been to the place you’d relocate to? 

Please do your research on your new area. If you can, make a trip out before you make your final decision and give yourself some time to scope at neighborhoods and interact with locals. Look at things like the rent prices across the area, the commute to work, and the public transportation (especially if you won’t have a car). These things are logistical, but if you really dislike the place you live, your commute, etc., it can leave a sour taste in your mouth for your new city before you’ve even had the chance to experience it.  

Ultimately, what you put into the pro and con categories will depend on your situation. As you get older, packing up and relocating for a job will be a bit more of a hassle when you have a family with established routines, so right after college is a good time as any to set out on a new adventure. Just make sure you are prepared and good luck!