career advice

Day 1 - Appreciating Your Parents

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As we get older, the more obvious it is that our parents played such an important role to shape us into the adults we are today. Lately, I have been counting my blessings on how lucky I am to have both my parents, Kevin and Mary, side by side, every step of my journey. As I reflect on who my parents truly are and what they value, it is crazy how much of their characteristics, values, and personalities have blended into who I am at 31 years old. My dad, Kevin, has been the hardest working, most caring man I know. He’s reserved, soft-spoken, and conservative. But just like me, when he speaks, people listen. My mom, Mary, on the other hand, is the life of the party, could talk a dog off a bone, and has the sharpest memory I’ve ever seen (this has it’s pro’s and con’s, believe me). Mom, I if you're reading this I mean that in the nicest way possible :)

parents, thank you, happiness, movement, new jersey, 90's kidI get my hard working, “help-everyone” attitude from my dad, but can put to use my mom’s outgoing personality to strike up conversations to network and connect people together. I’m most grateful that the memory gene has been passed onto me and it comes in handy while building relationships with everyone I meet.

I grew up a simple life. I am an only child, but lucky enough to have many cousins around, that at several times, felt like brothers and sisters. My parents never gave me more than I needed, but always seemed to make things work even if times were tight or something seemed out of reach. Perfect example: My senior year of high school in 2002, I had the opportunity to visit Wales and England because of an exchange program my golf coach set up every four years. I'm pretty confident no one in my family has traveled overseas and every way they could, they supported this once in a lifetime experience. I thank you both everyday for this.

Here’s a snapshot of how they’ve inspired me, what they taught me, and what you can take away.

How they inspired me: As I reflect to answer this question, I know they want me to be happy. I never had pressure to become “successful” or follow a family member’s footsteps. They allowed me to be who I wanted to be, but when I reached out for help, they are there.

What they taught me: They taught me that there’s always a way to “make it work.” Whether it relates to finances, marriage, family, or career you can find a way to solve the problem, move forward, and look to the bright side.

#NicheTip: What I'd like you to take away from this post is that there is someone out there that has or is going to someday shape your life.

1. Don’t take them for granted and let them know they influenced you.

2. Reflect on how they have inspired you and pass that onto others.

3. If you want something bad enough, find a way to “make it work.”

How I Found My Niche

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I can still remember when I was 7 years old...all I did was play with Legos and pipeworks. It wasn’t just the playing, it was the building and construction that I loved. Arriving at the finished product of the Lego toy pictured on the box came easy to me and my imagination was probably at it’s peak.

If you asked me what I wanted to do with the rest of my life I would have said an engineer or architect.

After picking up my first golf club, and subsequently falling in love with the game in 1998, I traded in Legos for drivers and putters.

If you were to ask me again in high school where my life was headed I would have said a “PGA Director of Golf.”

After being inspired by great teachers and coaches in high school, I went on to college. Early on in college, if you asked me what I would do in life, I would have said “teacher.”

Everyone’s had these moments or has been asked the question “what do you want to do when you grow up?”  (unfortunately, too many times). Well, I am letting you all know I don’t have that answer yet, but everyday since I launched the Niche Movement in January 2013, I feel closer to it.

In this journey, I have been very fortunate to have so many friends, relatives, and colleagues support my endeavor. Over the next 30 days, I am going to share who these people are and how they have helped me inch closer to finding my niche. This isn't going to be all about me, but truly it is a story of the heros and influencers in my life. This is about the people that inspired me, motivated me, picked me up when I was down, told me to take a risk or told me I was a leader.

Lastly, I plan on injecting as much personality, emotion and authenticity into my posts as these people at one time or another have been near and dear to my heart.

Enjoy, and thank you for reading.

#NicheTip: Take 15 minutes a week to reflect on those that are important in your life that have helped you get to where you are today and thank them.

Day 1 - Appreciating Your Parents

Day 2 - Pushing Your Comfort Zone

Day 3 - Best Man or Better Man

Day 4 - Let Your Talents do the Talking

Day 5 - The First Big Pivot: How a Conversation Changed the Trajectory of my Life

Day 6 - They Said I was Leader...Here's What Happened Next

Day 7 - The Ripple Effect

Day 8 - Office Crashers: When I asked for Help I got More Than I Imagined

Day 9 - The 2nd Pivot: A New Career Path & A Boss That Believe in Me 

Day 10 - Learning Relational Leadership

Day 11 - Take Time for the Most Important People Around You

Day 12 - Build Your Network Before You Need It

Day 13 - Taking Advantage of an Opportunity

Day 14 - What Can Happen When People Believe In Your Vision

Day 15 - How to Make the Most of Your Days

Day 16 - People Come Into Your Life for a Reason

Day 17 - Other Duties as Assigned: Not Always a Bad Thing

Day 18 - How I Learned to Get Things Done with Purpose & Personality

Day 19 - Life as You Climb: Creating Environments Where Everyone Can Thrive

Day 20 - Running Toward Your Passion

Day 21 - Putting Intentionality and Efforts Into Your Relationships

Day 22 - Activators vs. Cheerleaders: How To Find Action Oriented Supporters In Your Network

Day 23 - 3 Ways To Tell Your Story In A Noisy World

Day 24 - There Are No Gatekeepers

Day 25 -Could Twitter Lead You Onto The Set Of A Documentary? It Did For This Student

Day 26  - How A Movement Gaines Momentum After One Year

Day 27 - Sometimes It's More Dangerous To Be Cautious 

Day 28 - The Remarkable Story of Passion Project Turned Start Up

Day 29 - Silencing The Negativity To Unleash Greatness

Day 30 - I Found My Niche

See What Sticks: Tips for a hAPPy Life

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social media, app generation, career advice, millennials, gen y, apps, love your job This month's read was the latest book from Harvard professor and educational psychologist Howard Gardner. Along with fellow researcher (and former student) Katie Davis, he wrote The App Generation: How Today's Youth Navigate Identity, Intimacy, and Imagination in a Digital World. Lest you believe this will be a post lamenting the ubiquitous nature of technology in our society, let me put your mind at ease: that's not what I'm here for. Gardner and Davis provide compelling evidence on either side of that particular argument. What I want to talk about is an interesting distinction they make in the use of apps: are you, in your day-to-day life, app-dependent or app-enabled? Davis and Gardner disambiguate this pair of terms early in the book, then go on to explain how each element they explore (identity, intimacy, and imagination) can be affected by one mentality or another. According to Davis and Gardner:

[...] apps that allow or encourage us to pursue new possibilities are app-enabling. In contrast, when we allow apps to restrict or determine our procedures, choices and goals, we become app-dependent. [emphasis added]

To draw the analogy of building a house: do you see apps as the foundation upon which you build, or the walls that define where the house is and how you can navigate within it? Before you decide which characterization applies to your way of life, consider this pair of quotes from two different places in the book:

Apps are great if they take care of ordinary stuff and thereby free us to explore new paths, form deeper relationships, ponder the bigger mysteries of life, forge a unique and meaningful identity. But if apps merely turn us into more skilled couch potatoes who do not think for ourselves, or pose new questions, or develop significant relationships, or fashion an appropriate, rounded, and continually evolving sense of self, then the apps simply line the road to serfdom, psychologically speaking. ("Introduction") Many students come to college with their lives all mapped out- a super-app. "I'll major in government, join the Institute of Politics, intern in DC in the summer, work for Teach for America, then run for state senator in my home district when I'm twenty-eight." Paths to the likes of Goldman-Sachs or McKinsey, architectural design or neurosurgery, follow similar trajectories. Put in Eriksonian terms, the students' identities are prematurely foreclosed because they don't allow space to explore alternatives. Not only is this mentality unrealistic (you might flunk organic chemistry, you might flub your interview at Google), but, importantly, it makes those kids who do not have their identities all mapped out-- who lack the super-app-- feel that they are losing out. ("Personal Identity in the Age of the App")

The desire to move from high school to college to the working world, sprinkling "developmentally appropriate" milestones such as marriage, financial independence, and parenthood along the way (achievements like this in an actual app could be represented by "badges") is, in some instances, part of an app-dependent mentality. But I want to clarify that statement. Am I say that any of these milestones should not be reached for? NOT AT ALL. But feeling pressure to graduate college at 21, be a department head or manager at 26, married at 30, or president by the Constitutionally-mandated minimum age of 35 is not altogether different from expecting to arrive at a hotel in 33 minutes just because your GPS told you so. In both instances, your expectations for what could be are supplanted by what you expect, demand, or require of yourself. In both instances, there's little space to be lost. And make no mistake- it's okay to be a little lost. When was the last time you truly allowed yourself to get lost? Lost on a series of roads, lost in a really good piece of music, lost in thought? There's time. I promise. And by giving up the idea of app-dependence, life-path dependence...you stand a better chance of succumbing to that lost feeling.

Daydreaming, wandering, and wondering have positive facets. Introspection may be particularly important for young people who are actively figuring out who and what they want to be. Without time and space to ponder alternative ways of being in the world--without breaking away from an app-determined life-- young persons risk prematurely foreclosing their identities, making it less likely that they will achieve a fully realized and personally fulfilling sense of self. ("Acts [and Apps] of Imagination")

But a word of warning: there is equal danger in what I call app-independence, or the equivalent of operating with simply a pair of coordinates. Finding your own way with little to no help or aim (what, in the wilderness, is known as orienteering) is extremely difficult, and dangerous if not undertaken thoughtfully. Look no further than Jon Krakauer's Into the Wild (the book, not the movie...just trust me) for an example of what happens when aimlessness is pursued as a direct alternative to an app-dependent existence. So if app-dependence is proverbial autopilot, and app-independence resembles staggering in the wilderness, what does app-enablement look like? Well, think of app-enablement as another object that rhymes with app- a map. Unlike a GPS or even point by point instructions given by GoogleMaps or MapQuest, maps show you the lay of the land and provide context for your surroundings. They can show you the most direct way to get somewhere, but also provide the context needed to safely veer off course, free to journey off course while mitigating fear of losing your way altogether. With a map, you can go your own way (marry later in life, take an unconventional career path, retire early) with an eye on the "grand scheme" of things. When apps enable that process, one is open to the idea of finding a job online without feeling tethered to sites like Monster or Indeed; one can trust that there are ways besides OKCupid or Tinder to meet that special someone. To loosen, but not abandon, your grip on not just technological apps, but any promise of a predetermined path to success, will help reduce anxiety and discover joy as your next steps unfold. To return to Davis and Gardner's words:

The birth of writing did not destroy human memory, though it probably brought to the fore different forms of memory for different purposes. The birth of printing did not destroy beautifully wrought graphic works, nor did it undermine all hierarchically organized religions. And the birth of apps need not destroy the human capacities to generate new issues and new solutions, and to approach them with the aid of technology when helpful, and otherwise to rely on one's wit.

Can you see areas in which you're app-dependent? What steps can you take toward being app-enabled?

Tell Us Your Story: Amma Marfo - Standing out as an Introvert

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introvert, the niche movement, leadership, career advice On Wednesday May 14th 7pm EST., The Niche Movement presents a live interview with Amma Marfo, the thoughtful yet incurably silly Assistant Director of Student Activities for Involvement and Assessment at Emmanuel College in Boston, MA. She is fiercely curious and extremely dedicated to fostering similar curiosity in her students and young people about finding a career path that suits their skills and talents.  We'll be talking about Standing Out as an Introvert, Amma's amazing blog posts and perhaps gluten-free baking!

 

Hosted by Kevin O'Connell, founder of the Niche Movement.

 Join the conversation...

Use #nichestory to participate in the Twitter convo, and if you have a question for Laura be sure to use #nichestory so we can ask it live on air!

@nichemovement

@ammamarfo @koco83

See What Sticks: Steal From Yourself

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Hi everyone, Amma Marfo here. Two quick things about me that you’ll need to know before we begin:

(1) I am a reader. I am a library-loving, constant tome-carrying, unapologetic bibliophile. (2) If there’s anyone you will meet who can connect what she’s reading to the world around her, it’s me.

As such, I want to dedicate my time in this space to sharing with you what I’m reading, and how it could inform a budding professional’s daily life. 

This month's read was a quick one, an artsy one, and a fun one. Austin Kleon, an artist who became famous for his first book Newspaper Blackout, is the master of taking found objects and using relatively little (in his case, a black permanent felt-tipped marker) to turn it into art. In Steal Like an Artist, this month's book, Kleon translates his method into a series of actionable tips to help the budding creative learn how to constructively use the influence and inspiration of other artists to find his or her own voice. But I want to do Mr. Kleon one better.

Too often, as young professionals make the transition into the workplace, they start to lose themselves. A recent article on Total Sorority Move confirmed my fear that most graduating college students and other young adults are convinced that entering the professional world must be synonymous with absolute composure, instant poise and understanding, and...well, resignation to boredom.

But this does not have to be your fate.

Austin breaks his books down into ten major tips, upon which he expands in each "chapter." Within those chapters, there were a few additional tidbits that struck me as essential for valuing yourself- yes, you, with all of your quirks, flaws, and insecurities- as a source for creative inspiration and productivity. Being an "adult" doesn't mean being boring; on the contrary, you'll do better and more impressive "adult" work if you're not!

Don't throw any of yourself away. By this, Austin means that the things you get paid to do shouldn't necessarily keep you away from the things you like to do. Find a hobby. Hobbies give you a structured outlet to release stress, provide guaranteed time away from your desk or the office to focus on new and different tasks or problems, and they keep you interesting! There will come a time where you gather with a group of friends, vowing to not talk about work...only to relent moments later, realizing you have nothing else to talk about. Break that cycle. Austin talks in the book about how having a hobby makes his art better:

It's important to have a hobby. A hobby is something creative that's just for you. You don't try to make money or get famous off it, you just do it because it makes you happy. A hobby is something that gives but doesn't take.

Too many people worry that having something to do after work will tire them out, or resist taking the time a hobby demands because they're tired after work. But the funny thing about having hobbies you truly enjoy is, the more you engage in them, the more energy they give you.

It helps to live around interesting people. Austin refers to living around interesting people, but this could really refer to the people you surround yourself with. Surround yourself with interesting people. This is going to mean actively cultivating relationships with people that you don't incidentally run into (like neighbors or co-workers). Make no mistake, making friends after school (be it high school or college) is difficult. Personalities solidify as we age, people become set in their ways, and it takes work to find those people who "get" you. But the payoff is absolutely worth it.

According to Austin, "you have to find a place that feeds you- creatively, socially, spiritually, and literally." And when you find those people who can give you perspective that reaches beyond the mindset you use at work each day, you become stronger and more fulfilled. Speaking for myself, the best parts of my days, evenings, and weekends are when I get to spend time with people who don't do what I do. Their fresh perspectives remind me of a world outside myself, and their take on challenges I'm be facing provides insight that I may not always see from my entrenched stead in the "muck" of the issue.

Don't [write] what you know, [write] what you like. In addition to my day job and my work on this blog, I'm also a blogger and writer in my own right. Very little of my writing comes from things that I've developed expertise in or was educated to do. Rather, I write about things I enjoy. Things that make me laugh. Things that my friends show me. Things that provide an outlet to the work I do during normal work hours. As you move into sharing your opinions in the office, and taking on new projects or initiatives, it can be helpful to approach these projects using the strategies that you learned in school. But, within reason, you can also choose to attack them in a manner that best works for you, a way that feels good. Of course, I would never advocate for skirting procedures set forth by your company- creativity isn't always appreciated in fields like medicine, accounting, or engineering. However, the rigidity of such fields is all the more reason to let your personal interests and abilities shine in those rare moments where it is deemed appropriate.

"Don't worry about unity from piece to piece- what unifies all of your work is the fact that you make it." This could be my favorite line of the whole book. Tradition, education, and social norms dictate that we choose one path- when you finish school, you'll be a writer. Or a doctor. Or a teacher. But Austin says that not only can we be several things at once, but we shouldn't worry about what others think of that. Jeff Haden of Inc. echoes this sentiment in his piece "Why We Should All Be an 'And'":

To most people, “specialization” indicates accomplishment and success. The opposite is true. You, me we’re too good to specialize. None of us is one “thing.” All of us possess a variety of skills – including skills we aren't using. And no matter how successful we are in one pursuit, we all have other skills we would enjoy developing and using. Regardless of how fulfilling a current business or job may be, we all have other things we would enjoy doing too… especially if we got paid to do them.

To refer back to the TSM article I linked to at the beginning of this piece, this idea of specialization was what bothered me most. In the mind of the young woman who wrote that piece, being able to enjoy life, be responsible, AND be a professional were mutually exclusive. You could be one OR the other, and being the latter meant that the former simply had to disappear. Being an "and," as Jeff puts it, keeps us vital. It prevents us from getting bored. And it allows our many pursuits to inform one another, making us stronger workers, friends, and people. Being an "and" is the best way to steal from yourself- do what you love, however many things that may be, and let it make you strong in all that you do.