See What Sticks: Recovering from Perfectionism

Hi everyone, Amma Marfo here. Two quick things about me that you’ll need to know before we begin: (1) I am a reader. I am a library-loving, constant tome-carrying, unapologetic bibliophile. (2) If there’s anyone you will meet who can connect what she’s reading to the world around her, it’s me. As such, I want to dedicate my time in this space to sharing with you what I’m reading, and how it could inform a budding professional’s daily life.

Starting this post with yet another confession shouted out into the void: I am a recovering perfectionist. It's easy to see how we come to the notion that perfection is the only acceptable option; we're graded for sixteen years of our lives with the goal of getting 100%, we wear braces to fix the flaws in our smiles, and are bombarded with images of what we could be doing better. I bought into that for a long time (and, as the title implies, still do at times). But a few years back, I took a long hard look at the life I was leading because of it; it was a stress-riddled, anxiety-driven, hard to enjoy mess. So when I read Elizabeth Grace Saunders' "Letting Go of Perfectionism," an essay from 99U's Manage Your Day to Day: Build Your Routine, Find Your Focus & Sharpen Your Creative Mind, it sang to me a little louder than several of the essays around it.

She defines perfectionism in her piece, but I'd prefer to share the work conditions under which a perfectionist works with you; if this sounds like you, you may want to consider reading on:

From a perfectionist's point of view, if you manage to force yourself into producing at the level you envisioned in your head, you feel on top of the world. If you can't measure up to those standards, you're crushed [...] At best, it can make you hesitate to immerse yourself in a new project. At worst, it can lead to you abandoning your creative pursuits because of the toll they take on you physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Does this sound like you? If so, you're in good and plentiful company. And as I continue to take my own recovery one day at a time, I found myself really appreciating Saunders' approach for managing the fear and pride that she believes are the root of all aspirations toward perfectionism. That creeping pair of emotions can attack at any stage of our work, but she gives great advice on how to thoughtfully fight back.

Stuck at the Start According to Saunders, the perfectionist gets stuck at the start because of a mindset that shouts, "I can't start until the ideal moment, meaning I have a large uninterrupted block of time, no other distractions, a strong level of motivation to work on the project, and the ideal plan for how to optimize the entire process." I'll grant, these are not altogether impossible conditions to reach in unison. However...it seems pretty unlikely, doesn't it?

This can be true of any pursuit that inherently holds uncertainty: applying for a job ("I don't know how to do all the things they're asking, should I go for it?"), leaving a job you don't like ("I don't have the perfect opportunity lined up yet, so I should probably stay put."), or asking for a new challenge ("I've never done this before, am I sure I'm ready?"). The paralysis of being presented with ideal conditions kills more dreams than actual criticism from those that surround us.

Saunders encourages the recovering perfectionist to replace the statement above with "I know there will never be an ideal time to begin so I set aside time to get started on one part of the process [...] I get started on what I can do now." The storied Google 80/20 rule (in which employees were given freedom to use 20% of their time at work just to create and design based on their own ideas and inclinations, is an example of the value of scheduled ideation time.

It can also be helpful to remember that ideas don't come out fully formed. Taking some of that time to determine what you already have to be successful and what you still need can help you fight the perfectionism. Identifying "known unknowns" helps us focus time appropriately and direct efforts toward elements of our process that could be better. Between setting aside time and acknowledging points of weakness with the goal of improvement (that "goal of improvement" piece is what prevents despondence), we can break the cycle of giving up on something that lacks perfect conditions.

Lost in the Middle

Saunders voices this worry in this way: "I must obsess over every detail of the piece, regardless of whether anyone else will notice. This leads me to revise and edit myself at every step instead of giving myself permission to bang out an imperfect first draft." When I was working on my book, I spent a long time avoiding a complete first draft. I wrote in disconnected tidbits, I researched obsessively, I strung together those shorter passages into chapters, and then finally put them together consecutively to create a 140 page first draft...that I was terrified to read. I had no idea if this version of the final product would make sense, or even be good or helpful to anyone who read it. But sometimes we forget that first drafts are designed for precisely that.

One of my favorite writers, Paul Jarvis, is a tremendous advocate for "sharing your messy process," or shying away from the instinct we all have to hide when something isn't going perfectly. He believes that people appreciate final products more when they know what went into making it. Share your messy process with people you trust to be honest with you- close coworkers, family members, or even friends that have no idea what you do- their uninformed opinion can be the most valuable when you're deep in the weeds on a project. It's scary at times, but the freedom it affords you to work toward a better final product is invaluable. Paul shares his ugly process often, as does Austin Kleon, a writer I've written about here previously. Follow them for great examples of what other messy processes entail; it can be comforting to know that even successful people struggle!

Refusal to Finish

"If the work hasn't attained the ideal set in my head at the start, it's inaccurate to say it's complete." We all have goals in our minds that occasionally, if often, fail to live up to the final product that our hands, voices, or other contributing parties have created. This can be demoralizing for some, pushing them to keep working without "shipping," writer and consultant Seth Godin's term for releasing a final product to the public.

But squirreling away our talent for fear it won't meet our high standards ignores the needs of those who could benefit from it. You could be a great fit for a proposed job, but not applying for a lack of a "perfect fit" could leave them with someone far less effective. Perfect is the enemy of great. And being prepared to ship doesn't mean that you can't go back to the project at a later date; Saunders is quick to point out, "Saying something is complete doesn't mean that it can't be improved upon or elaborated on in the future. It just means that I can submit it and move on to other work." Other projects that require your greatness could suffer for your lack of attention to them; don't let a goal of perfection on one task hinder your effectiveness on others.

Dread of Feedback

So you've made it through all the other steps prior to this, and found yourself (mostly) comfortable with delivering a less than perfect product. Congratulations! That's a task in itself that you should be commended for. How do you handle any feedback that you get from it? By this, I mean "constructive criticism" that may come from a coworker, mentor, headhunter, or other person overseeing your work. The perfectionist struggles to incorporate this additional information, seeing it not as an assessment of their work, but of them. Saunders voices this worry well: "I worry that my expertise and respect is in question and that others will think I'm incompetent and an impostor." 

Consider, instead, this counterpoint: "I appreciate feedback because it helps me to test and refine my work." A colleague of mine, speaker and consultant Winni Paul, feels that feedback is a gift. As she puts it, "Accepting feedback is about looking beyond your own reality and seeing a bigger picture." Unless you're in a performance review (whole other scenario that I won't address here), the product being critiqued is not you; accept any ideas for change accordingly. See feedback as a question or concern voiced that a consumer of your product or idea won't present to you as nicely, and find ways to address the concern if you find it valid; acknowledge it gracefully if you don't. Practical gifts are designed to make your life easier and you better; think of feedback as a practical gift from someone with your best interests in mind.

As with any addiction or bad habit, it can take a lot of time and practice to unlearn the rituals that brought you to your perfectionist state. But abandoning perfectionist inclinations for your "realistic best" unlocks possibilities to be more efficient and less anxious when pursuing opportunities. I encourage you to challenge the perfectionist tendencies you've cultivated for so many years; you'll be surprised how good "just being great" can feel.

A Paint Brush And Work Gloves Helped Me Find My Niche

I am no expert, but I am a young professional, and I found my niche! My niche is my passions, my happiness and how I turned my interests in volunteering and philanthropy into a career. Currently, I am the Foundation Associate for The Provident Bank Foundation. Getting to this place in my career has had ups and downs, but every day I walk into my office I know I am where I need to be. I have always enjoyed being that sounding board to family and friends, giving advice when I could or just an ear to listen to. I liked helping people, making a difference whenever I could. This is a part of me that has been in my blood for as long as I can remember and a quality I think I’ll never lose.

My adventure into the non-profit sector and corporate foundation:

My journey to get where I am today took hard work, mentors and influencers and self-motivation. I wanted to give up so many times and take the easy way out but through networking, talking to the right people and pushing myself, I was able to get through the tough challenges life through at me. My network started small with personal connections, such as my parents and some teachers and tutors who truly believed in me. They all gave me the push to step outside of my comfort zone and get my hands dirty. Spring semester of my sophomore year at Fairleigh Dickinson University, I got onto a plane with a few dozen other college students from across the country and landed in Lake Charles, Louisiana. Spending a week in the gulf coast and seeing the devastation made by Hurricane Katrina changed my life. I was in disbelief on how Mother Nature can be so beautiful but can take everything away in seconds. I returned from my first Alternative Spring Break with the determination to graduate with a degree and experience I can use for my future. I jumped on any opportunity to volunteer or take on an internship at a local non-profit. I graduated with a Bachelor in Communication Studies and ready to take on the world.

My next adventure didn’t happen the way I had imagination and I ran into a few forks in the road, but ultimately it was those forks that got me to where I am. As motivated and determined as I was to find my perfect job at 21 years old it did not work that way. I started working part-time at local public relations firms focused on women’s health. I was overall happy I had some type of job after I graduated but it wasn’t what kept me motivated. I still kept my head high as much as I could, continued to connect with those in my network of mentors and kept on looking for the job that got me excited. I decided to apply to grad school and hope it would open more opportunities for me. Luck was on my side; during my time studying for the GRE’s a door did eventually open. For the next two and a half years, while going to grad school Rutgers University School of Public Affairs and Administration I worked at a few different New Jersey based non-profits. It was during my first semester at Rutgers I went to a networking event where I had the opportunity to listen to Nancy Lublin, CEO of Dosomething.org and Founder of Dress for Success and Adam Braun, Founder of Pencils of Promise. Both of their stories are very different but they found their niche and impacted the world in ways unimaginable. I was drawn into their stories and influenced by their words. It was after the event I went back to my everyday life and knew I was heading in the right direction and maybe one day I am able to share my story on how I changed the world.

This networking event was just the beginning for me; I was like a sponge, taking in all the knowledge and advice from anyone I spoke to in the non-profit sector. I made sure I had the skills, commitment and expertise in this field to be as professional as possible. I aspire to do something great every day, not because I need to or it’s the “right thing to do”. It was a choice that became a passion that turned into my day-to-day.

Corporate..not a negative word!

I never really put two and two together on corporate philanthropy or corporate foundations. I only saw and thought “the corporate world”, this negative working world and said to myself I do not want to be a part of that. However, I was at this point in my life that I felt I can use my skill sets for better use, I needed new challenges and overall wanted to make my way up the ladder in my career. I again, stepped out of my comfort zone, broadened my job search and came across The Provident Bank Foundation. The job description and responsibilities sounded exciting, challenging and rewarding, I was hooked and knew this was the job for me. Working for the Foundation has been not only awe-inspiring, but working for a financial institution that is so committed to the community is encouraging and motivating and makes my day-to-day work worthy.

I found my niche in philanthropy and the non-profit sector but I am still a young professional and still have new knowledge to gain, skill-sets to learn and dreams to make come true. I still volunteer when I can, network at every opportunity that comes my way and try to influence other young professionals and the younger generations to find their happiness and their niche. My goals are to someday make that life changing difference, but for now I can just share my story, advocate my passions and help others throughout the community.

Over the past year working at The Provident Bank Foundation has been an amazing eye opener to how a foundation can make an impact to the community. Every day brings about new stories, new challenges and successes. My niche is my adventure in the non-profit sector and I could not be any happier.

Your homework:

I leave you with a task- volunteer! It does not matter if you are able to commit to once a month, once a week or only a few times a year. As young professionals, volunteering gives you so many opportunities to network. You not only make a difference in your community but you meet a variety of people, from different walks of life and you never know who or what their connections are. I welcome you to reach out to me and happy to network with you.

See What Sticks: The Health of Your Career is a Joke

Hi everyone, Amma Marfo here. Two quick things about me that you’ll need to know before we begin: (1) I am a reader. I am a library-loving, constant tome-carrying, unapologetic bibliophile. (2) If there’s anyone you will meet who can connect what she’s reading to the world around her, it’s me. As such, I want to dedicate my time in this space to sharing with you what I’m reading, and how it could inform a budding professional’s daily life.

Confession Time: I wasn't very good at my first job.

Sure, I was competent...most of the time. When I started my career, I built good relationships and worked hard to get better in the areas where I struggled. By the time I left, I knew what my next steps needed to be and even though it was hard, I am thankful for the decisions that followed.

But I also wasn't very good because I wasn't myself. I didn't know how to be. At 22 years old, working at a community college advising students my own age, older, or much much older (I had a student senator in her sixties!), I sacrificed being myself for being professional, businesslike, and appearing knowledgeable. It felt wrong at the time- to borrow a quote from the 1989 John Cusack film Say Anything that a friend reminded me of earlier this week, "You used to be fun. You used to be warped and twisted and hilarious... and I mean that in the best way - I mean it as a compliment!"

Many of the students and colleagues that I work with now would never doubt those qualities in me, something that I'm proud of. But I didn't realize until I finished this month's read, Peter McGraw and Joel Warner's The Humor Code: A Global Search for What Makes Things Funny, just how far I'm come when it comes to bringing my sense of humor to work.

I have to say, being funny at the office is far from an easy proposition. Comedian and writer Mike Birbiglia talks about the challenges of cultivating a sense of humor that balances enjoyment with tastefulness, noting, "Jokes have been ruined by people who aren't funny." And he's absolutely right. Think about all the Human Resources-mandated apologies, the Tweets of contrition, and the press releases that we see when a funny comment goes wrong. I won't go into McGraw and Warner's scientific strategy on this here, but I have written about it elsewhere if you're interested in learning more. Bottom line: being amusing without being a jerk can be hard.

McGraw and Warner travel around the world- to Montreal for a comedy festival, to New York to work with cartoonists and advertising agents, to the Palestine to see how humor works in times of crisis (I finished this book two days before the recent unrest began), and to South America to see how humor keeps people healthy. Along the way, they learned several lessons about what is funny, and how these lessons can help you be funny in your own life.

From Japan: Know your audience. Did you know that America produces fewer comedy films now than in previous years because the humor doesn't translate to profit overseas? If your audience is varied in their sense of humor or understanding, your approach has to adapt too. There is no one way to get (most) projects done, no one way to lead, no one way to make people laugh. There are nearly as many approaches as there are people in the world, and it will benefit you enormously to take the time to learn. It may take a week, or it may take a year, but take the time to familiarize yourself with your surroundings. Get to know the people you'll be working with, the priorities of your bosses and leadership, and the culture of your office or department. Your efforts to succeed, contribute, and laugh will go over far better once you have a good handle on the context in which you're working.

From New York: if you can't be "ha-ha" funny, be "a-ha" funny! Some of you may say, "I'm not funny" or "I don't want to be funny at work!" That's okay. However, you may still have the chance to be the "a-ha" person; don't pass up that opportunity! Even when you're new to an organization or office, you have insights that you can share. It can be intimidating at times to speak up, especially when your team is comprised of older or more experienced professionals. But as an adopted New Yorker (Tina Fey) says in her book Bossypants, "It's your responsibility to contribute [...] Your initiations are worthwhile." When you hit upon just the right idea, the smile may not be one of amusement; it might instead be one of pride or excitement. Those smiles are just as necessary in the day-to-day, so don't be afraid to voice any idea that might result in one!

From Tanzania: Don't be afraid to chuckle at yourself. This is an important one. Being the new guy or girl, being the newest to an office, or taking on a new role can be daunting. And we all, no matter our age or level of experience, can start to doubt ourselves or be nervous about making a good impression because of that. But you're going to have moments where you can only laugh. Whether it's because you've done something silly, because you can't believe your good fortune, or because the alternative is crying or screaming, take a moment to find the lighter side and laugh. In my first role, I had reasons to laugh that fit all of those descriptions (everything from misordered promotional items to a screaming fight with a faculty member). And it was harder work to laugh at some of them than others, but ultimately finding the levity in those moments got me through them.

From Los Angeles: Be honest and authentic. This advice comes up a lot, in everything from interviewing to speaking up in meetings, and it's no less true when it comes to expressing your funny or silly side. We all know what trying to be funny looks like and sounds like; these efforts rarely succeed. Think about the moments in life that make you laugh- the daily commute, text messages from friends, your reaction to something you read or saw on TV. Just as this site, and indeed your life, is about finding your niche, so it goes for your sense of humor. If you're going to tell a joke or share a funny quip, make sure it makes you laugh first. If not, don't bother. Someone else can make that joke sing.

Even with all the advice given above, I want to end this post with the advice shared by Peter McGraw, whose desire to create an academic formula to predict humor (I want to teach that!) fueled this whole worldwide search:

Surround yourself with the people and things that make you laugh. Seek out interesting places and interesting people. Focus on the friends that make you laugh, not the ones who bring you down. Choose as a partner someone with whom you share a sense of humor, someone who helps you see the lighter side of life [...] And maybe it's cliched, but remind yourself that everything is going to be okay. That thing that seems so scary in the moment, so catastrophic and worrisome, is only scary because you're paying so much attention to it. It's okay to complain, but add a bit of wit to your grumbling.

How Crossfit Helped Me Launch A Kickstarter Campaign

Consistency. It’s one of the hardest things for me when it comes to working out and I’m sure I’m not the only one. Throughout college I would go in spurts where I would workout with my roommates but none of us really had any idea what were doing in the gym. Sure, the saying “it’s leg day, bro” would be thrown around but did we really know the proper form, let alone the appropriate weight and rep scheme? Hell, no! Since graduating college and hitting the real world, I have been fortunate enough to work at different colleges and had free access to recreation centers. In fact, for the last six years my office has been no more than 10 feet from a fitness center. I found working out as a painstaking chore. I know that working out 3-4 times a week is good for you. While I’ve seen results, I have never been able to stick with it for more than a few weeks at a time. Until now!

On June 5th, I joined Endorphin Crossfit in Middlesex, NJ.

It just so happens that was the same day I released my first blog post in my 30 day “Find Your Niche” series for The Niche Movement.

Two full months later sticking with crossfit at least 3 (sometimes 4) times a week, I have seen some crazy correlations between positive gains in the gym and in my life. This summer was filled with early mornings and late nights of writing, networking, brainstorming, and executing new projects to get to where I am on my final day of my Kickstarter campaign.

If you are a busy person that has battled with consistency in the gym while leading a busy life then these three tips can help - especially as summer comes to an end.

1. Mastery

I have taken my share of classes and tried various routines over the last eight years. However, I have noticed that when you take a class like spin or workout (or go running) by yourself, it requires A LOT of self-discipline. At Endorphin, from my first class to now, there has been a detailed plan everyday. You are held accountable not by only by the amazing coaches, but by your peers in your class. Everyone is giving it their all, reaching for their next PR, or trying something new for the very first time like me. Every crossfit class helps me strive to master a new lift, technique, or physically test my endurance to my body in ways I haven’t been pushed since being a high school athlete.

Since I decided to turn my blogging series for The Niche Movement into a book to end employment unhappiness for this generation, I went down roads I thought I would never travel. There were weekends I spent filming my Kickstarter video, mornings pitching and interviewing press, and late nights emailing friends, family, and people in my network for contributions. I kept to a detailed plan. Supporters around my campaign held me accountable. And I reached several “PR’s” like being featured in Buzzfeed, Money Under 30, and breaking my goal of $3,000 in less than 29 days.

#NicheTip: Mastery driven motivation works. Find a workout routine that will get you excited to achieve new levels of fitness.

2. Momentum

When I lose interest in working out and my routine becomes boring (like it does several times in the winter) I become lazy, unmotivated and procrastination settles in for my personal life.

Within two weeks, Endorphin’s coaches helped me find my one rep max for various lifts like back squat, bench press, and deadlift. Once I had my strength training plan and started seeing progress, I was hooked. I had momentum and enthusiasm to keep to a regular routine this summer. My days consisted of waking up early and putting in almost two hours of work before I left for my full time job. Then, after working a full day, I went straight to Endorphin at 5:15 where crossfit gave me a boost to come home and eat a healthy meal with Courtney and spend the evenings working on The Niche Movement.

#NicheTip: Ya know the commercial that says, “a body in motion, stays in motion”? It’s true. Try not to leave too much time between leaving work and going to the gym. It’s during that lag time that we find other things we need to do and talk ourselves out of working out that day.

3. Clarity

Outside of physical benefits, crossfit has made me more energized, reduced stress and provide much needed clarity for my mind. When I go to crossfit, Bonnie and Ian (the founders of Endorphin), always reiterate to focus on every part of your body throughout your reps. I love this because every rep and WOD has me completely in the moment. There certainly have been ups and downs over the last 90 days of this adventure trying to launch my business full time but when I am at crossfit my mind and body are in the present. I have never thought about my full time job, The Niche Movement, what’s for dinner or other issues in my life.

Anyone that does crossfit, knows how much energy you put into every WOD. Even though I leave there wiped after every class, my head has been completely clear and ready to attack the next item on my to-do list.

#Nichetip: The mind needs breaks in the workday, and just in the day in general, to reset. When you workout you only have room to focus on the workout and can’t let your mind run about your to-do lists. A clear head is a much more creative and powerful head than one that is constantly running.

During the last two months, I have been very lucky to find a box that cares about personal development, proper weight lifting technique and building a community. Lately, I have pushed myself in ways I never thought I could and crossfit has certainly helped achieve some amazing personal goals both in the gym and with The Niche Movement.

How To Get A (Strong) Recommendation on Linkedin

A few weeks back, I received a request from a former employee asking for a Linkedin in recommendation. Read the note below and I’ll share why this wasn’t the best approach and 3 tips on how to get a strong detailed recommendation.

This person was right about one thing, future employers will be looking at his LinkedIn page and recommendations will definitely help. In fact, 89% of all recruiters report having hired someone through LinkedIn. That being said, the approach this person used to obtain the recommendation lacked effort and intentionality. This was coming from a former employee whom I hadn’t spoken to in years and when they did work for me they were part of a much bigger team where I did not have the opportunity to directly supervise them. There wasn’t much of a connection to begin with, and so a note a few years later randomly asking for a recommendation was not motivating at all.

No matter if you needed recommendations for school or for a job, we all know how important a powerful recommendation can be for your future. That phrase, “it’s not what you know, but who you know” is far too common in today’s workforce. It’s important now, more than ever, in a time of limitless social connection, to use the tools (online and face-to-face) available to you to build your network before you need it.

A majority of employers still require you to provide a list references at some stage in the hiring cycle. Many times, as early as when you hit the “apply” button. When it comes to building your reference list or asking for a recommendation, consider these questions first and foremost.

• Who are the 5 most recent connections (former supervisors, colleagues, employees) that can speak to my strengths as an employee and my work ethic?

• When was the last time I spoke to them about my desired career path, and do they know I am currently applying to jobs?

• Is there anything I can do to help make their life easier when it comes to serving as my reference?  (ie. send them your resume, hop on a call to discuss the job, etc)

Often times, college students and young professionals ask for a recommendation from someone that did not directly supervise them and those individuals are unable to cite detailed examples of their work ethic.

If you have a reference in mind and believe they can speak strongly about your work ethic and skills, and you have prepared them with materials or information about the job, then you’re ready for the next step. Now you are fully prepared to ask for that recommendation, and here is how to do it.

1. Do the work

As I mentioned above, prepare some materials for your recommender. Make sure they have information about the job you are applying for and an updated resume. You might want to also jog their memory of a few key projects you worked on with them that can be referenced in the recommendation. Don’t be too pushy, you’ll need to find a balance between providing adequate information and not writing the recommendation for them. The best way to avoid a mishap here is by simply putting yourself in their shoes.

2. Stay in Touch

In 2014, there is no longer an excuse for not staying in touch. Avoid asking for a recommendation from someone who you haven’t (at least loosely) kept in touch with in over a year. Most likely they will not remember the specifics of what made you a great employee or colleague, and they will be unsure of your career path and recent accomplishments. Essentially they won’t be able to speak to what makes you the best candidate for the job. The chances of getting loose connections, those you haven’t spoken to in over a year, to give you a recommendation at all is slim….let alone getting a strong recommendation.

3.   Post it Forward

Find your current supervisors, colleagues, and employees on LinkedIn and start writing a genuine recommendations for them. The more timely the better. Especially, after completing a big project, initiating a new venture, or a hitting a major goal for the organization.

The recommendation below was written by a current student that works for my social media team at Rutgers and will be a senior this year.

She is building her network before she needs it, keeping in touch with them, and providing real-time recommendations. In turn, she has immediately landed herself a handful of detailed and powerful recommendations from not only myself but from other well-connected professionals.

The job you love is out there for the taking, but lackluster recommendations are not going to get you there. ‘You get what you put into it’ is a concept that applies to the job search just as much as it does to any other experiences in life.

The Niche Movement is an organization founded on the principle to end employment unhappiness, and this is one of wide range of topics and ideas we share with young people to help them find the career path they will love. If you found this article helpful, you can support The Niche Movement and our ability to continue to do this work, by checking out our Kickstarter campaign. Donating to the campaign will score you our first book that will be chock full of tips and stories just like the ones featured in this article.